Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to Spill the Tea Unfiltered. Hey, guys.
All right, so, Fourth of July. What did you do?
[00:00:08] Speaker B: We went out on a boat on the Tom Ford Lake. It was a lot of fun. We did get rained out, so we had to hang out at a Mexican restaurant for a little while. But we had a great time. It was beautiful out there.
[00:00:18] Speaker A: I feel like if there's worse places to hang out other than getting unlimited chips and salsa.
[00:00:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I did. I don't normally drink, but I did have a margarita.
[00:00:28] Speaker A: Hey.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:00:30] Speaker A: I was sad that I wasn't here. I was like, no, I want to go on a boat.
I was in Bum, Tennessee.
I was in the middle of nowhere, Tennessee, visiting some extended family. And it was funny because they're just so. There are.
Some of them are. They're uber, uber religious. Okay. I almost want to say, like, cult religious or, like, borderline. So, like, they won't say it is, but I, like, I feel like it kind of is. And they're also so, like. You know, we go to church, and our church talks about how they don't like the whole fearing God thing.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: And they talk about that a lot. Like, you shouldn't fear God. Like, God loves you, and you should want to, like, preach that side of it. Well, their church is one of the churches that still preaches, like, fear God or you're going to hell.
[00:01:24] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. I've had some family in church like that.
[00:01:26] Speaker A: Yeah. And so my cousin asked me to get a tattoo with her, and. Yeah. And it was her first tattoo.
[00:01:35] Speaker B: Is she still in the church?
[00:01:37] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Probably not anymore.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: I don't know if I kick her out.
[00:01:40] Speaker B: Have you called her? She's safe.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: Yeah. She did text me last week, so I feel like she's okay for now.
But that's what we got. We got little stars here, so if you're watching on YouTube, you can see it.
But it was, like, super small, right? Like, super tiny tattoo. No big deal.
[00:01:58] Speaker B: Did she get hers on her wrist as well?
[00:02:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:01] Speaker B: Bold.
[00:02:01] Speaker A: It's in the exact same spot. And sue, in her mind, she was like, I can cover it with, like, a watch or something. That's why we did it on the left hand anyway, I guess.
[00:02:10] Speaker B: Like, some bracelets. Like a bunch of them. Like. Yeah, like a bunch.
[00:02:13] Speaker A: Plus, I wanted it on the left anyway because that's where my other tattoos are. So I was like, I just want all my tattoos on my left hand or my left arm. But I'm the same way.
[00:02:21] Speaker B: Like, why do I put everything on the left?
[00:02:23] Speaker A: See, I don't know. I think it's because we're right handed, so we're like, we have to use this arm a lot, so we're gonna
[00:02:28] Speaker B: put it on the left. So we gotta do something with this side.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: Gotta keep the left entertained.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: Might as well.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: Yeah. So she. But like, her mom was pissed, and her mom was just like, you come here and your daughter and you get my daughter to get tattoos. I was like, ma', am, it was your daughter's idea.
[00:02:43] Speaker B: But also, your daughter's grown. So I think at this point that she's. She must make her own decision.
[00:02:48] Speaker A: We're three months apart. So she's only.
[00:02:50] Speaker B: She's.
[00:02:51] Speaker A: She's 38.
[00:02:52] Speaker B: She's not in an, like an impressionable age at this point. Like, she's grown.
[00:02:57] Speaker A: Yeah. No, I don't know that her mom truly, truly cared. I think her mom was worried about that her grandma, because her Grandma is like 90 and is, like, still very stuck in those ways.
I'm definitely the black sheep of the family.
[00:03:13] Speaker B: I don't know how this feels. My grandma had a tattoo.
Yeah. On her shoulder.
[00:03:17] Speaker A: Well, see, all my grandmas are dead, so I don't have to worry about them. But this is. I guess she's my great Aunt Francis. She's not my grandmother, but she's my cousin's grandmother.
I just call her Aunt Francis. But she. She's super sweet lady. But again, she's just from a different time and just really stuck in her ways. But this family, like, has some that I'm just like, bruh. Like, one of the grandkids cheats on his wife all the time, had a baby with somebody, and so I'm sitting here like, you didn't kick him out of the family and you're worried about a damn tattoo.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: Right.
[00:03:49] Speaker A: And then my cousins, again, I like my cousin's mom a lot. She's really funny.
But I like, gave her because I'm like, you want to talk about treating your body as a temple, ma'? Am? You smoke?
And I called her out on it. I was like, I'm pretty sure that you're not supposed to be smoking if you're treating your body as a temple. And she just, like, looked at me and I was like, what? Like, I'm gonna call it out as I see it. So, yeah, they're just. There's some hypocrisy, but you want to talk about good eating.
[00:04:18] Speaker B: Oh, I'm sure there's somebody.
[00:04:20] Speaker A: Everything is fresh from a garden.
Everything probably has to.
[00:04:24] Speaker B: How many grocery stores Are in that little town.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: None.
[00:04:27] Speaker B: There you go.
[00:04:28] Speaker A: Not a one. There you go.
[00:04:29] Speaker B: They're out breaking the chicken's necks behind the bar.
[00:04:32] Speaker A: You're not like. But yes.
[00:04:34] Speaker B: Oh, really?
[00:04:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:04:35] Speaker B: Oh, okay. I was kidding.
[00:04:36] Speaker A: Yeah, I was being funny. Yeah. No, they do.
They like, they raise cows to take them to the butcher.
[00:04:44] Speaker B: I mean, that is kind of cool. This probably really is some good eating.
[00:04:46] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, it's some of the best food you'll ever have.
[00:04:48] Speaker B: Should have asked them if we could
[00:04:49] Speaker A: buy some meat from them, literally. So I was just like, well, this is delicious. I did bring back some. True. I did bring back some cantaloupe from my cousin's father's garden because it was the best, most juicy cantaloupe I've ever had in my life. And it's probably because they're not using a bunch of pesticides and on all their stuff.
[00:05:08] Speaker B: I love like cantaloupe and watermelon out of a garden. Not store bought.
[00:05:12] Speaker A: Yeah, it was amazing.
[00:05:14] Speaker B: So that's my. That's what I miss about Florida is just driving down the road and stopping and getting a watermelon from a pickup truck.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: Right? Yeah.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: And boiled peanuts.
[00:05:22] Speaker A: It was so good. Come on, Huntsville, we gotta work on it.
[00:05:27] Speaker B: Somebody make a bowl of peanut stand.
[00:05:30] Speaker A: We need things, guys and we need you to do it quick. I feel like there's got to be one like somewhere in the country, maybe like Arab or something.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: Maybe I need to do like a food trip of peanuts.
[00:05:40] Speaker A: It'd probably do pretty decent, but. Yeah. So. Well, I'm glad we had good fourth of July's. I was sad I wasn't here for the boat, though.
[00:05:51] Speaker B: Yeah, me too. It was a good time. We enjoyed it. The boys had a lot of fun.
[00:05:55] Speaker A: Good, good. Well, we got a follower sent in her story, so I'm going to read that and then we'll chat about says hi there.
I saw a post about sharing stories and I'm not sure if I just need to let this all out. Maybe I should go to therapy. It's probably the safer, safer choice.
I'm not sure. But for whatever reason, I felt like I needed to share my story, which I love because I feel like it helps people get it out. But also you have no idea who else that's going to help, right?
[00:06:29] Speaker B: Absolutely. So
[00:06:33] Speaker A: she says, I'm not on the other side of it all yet. I don't have this amazing story of how I got out or how I'm doing so much better. I'm literally in the trenches of it right now and have been for a solid three years. Right now, today is where I finally.
I feel like I can finally, finally tell my story and try to find my way out. It's taken me forever. It seems to arrive to this point, but the blinders are coming off. I've been with my husband for almost seven years.
Married for three and a half. I married someone completely different than who I dated. Yeah. Can we talk about that for a second?
[00:07:05] Speaker B: I feel like that happens to a lot of people. Like, once you're actually committed, like, the mentality changes. Yes. And it's wild.
[00:07:13] Speaker A: It happened. We don't ever talk about my first husband because there's no reason to, but that happened with my first one. Really bad. Like, it was like, we got married, we bought a house, and all of a sudden, he was a completely different person. I was like, who are you? Yeah, it was wild. And I was like, what is this? And I mean, even with Dick, like, it didn't really change too much because there wasn't enough time for it to change. But it. It's.
It was still almost like he felt like he had a. I don't know. It was like he could do whatever he wanted and stuff. And I'm like.
[00:07:44] Speaker B: Like an ownership over you.
[00:07:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
Was married, and I'm like, what is happening? So, yeah, it's weird that this happens, and I'm sure women do it, too.
But in my experience, everybody that I've talked to and everybody I know, it was the guy that, like, completely changed how he was.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: I've heard it, like, from friends. Because I'll be like, well, my husband isn't gonna. And I'm like, he's still a human being.
[00:08:05] Speaker A: He. Good luck.
[00:08:06] Speaker B: Like, he's still a human being.
[00:08:08] Speaker A: That's my favorite when I. When I. When people be like, well, my husband's perfect. I'm like, doubt it.
One, because nobody is. And two, like, I have friends whose husbands are really good people that I think are really good people.
But there was one who I thought was a really good person, and he cheated. And I was shocked.
[00:08:24] Speaker B: Yeah. I always think it's weird after people get married. Like, we've known each other by name this whole time, and now all of a sudden, it's my husband. Not their name anymore, and it's just my husband. My husband. I'm just like, this is just now weird. Like, I don't know. Like, why did we just translate it from. He no longer has the name, and his only name is my husband.
[00:08:42] Speaker A: He doesn't have any autonomy anymore. Yeah, it's just my husband.
[00:08:46] Speaker B: I don't know. I don't. That's just something I just never adapted to. I was just like, this is weird.
[00:08:50] Speaker A: Yeah, it's so weird.
So she. So she goes on to say, I should have known after he wanted to get married so quickly. After being married three times, I'm wife number four.
I waited almost three years to get married and felt like it was plenty of time to get to know him and, and take our time. So he must have proposed and wanted to get married quickly. And she like, put on the brakes and said, hey, we're gonna wait. And she still waited three years, which is similar to me and Dick. He proposed after four months and I was like, whoa, whoa.
And we waited like two years before we got married and it still didn't know who I married. So that sucks because I feel her.
[00:09:27] Speaker B: Well, you know, we have talked about this before, about how a lot of times when they're trying to pull a shade over you, they do rush things.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, that's true.
She says when we got married, something switched. I asked about finances. How did everything go? He had just bought a house a few months before we got married. We are a blended family, but at the time I was in school, so I didn't make much money of my own.
So even before I was married to him, I guess I was to say financially dependent on him because he makes pretty decent money.
But everything financially wasn't adding up. He didn't want me to be a part of anything. He wouldn't let me see our bills, credit cards, and have no access to money.
No.
This is one of the most dangerous things for women is.
And this happens all the time in domestic violence situations. Because if you are being abused, it is. Domestic violence is not just physical. If you've listened to our episodes from our domestic violence professionals, it is not just physical, it's emotional, it's financial. And this is financial abuse.
Like withholding money, not sharing the money or, you know, an allowance or whatever the hell. Financial abuse. And that's why I tell all women, have your own job, never be financially dependent on a man. And it sucks because I know a lot of women that want to be stay home moms, but if you are you, you best be, you know, starting a tick tock or doing something on
[00:10:58] Speaker B: the side because a remote job at home, something.
[00:11:01] Speaker A: Yeah, you need. You need something to be able to have a way out.
Even my friend. So one of my really good friends, her husband's great, you know, as of. Yeah, as of now her husband's a great dude and they've been together for, I don't know, almost 20 years.
But she.
She had a secret stash of cash hidden in her closet. And he found it one day and he's like, what the hell is this? She's like, that's my escape fund in case you do something stupid.
[00:11:27] Speaker B: I love that for her though. It's like, don't touch that. Yeah, that's a you up.
[00:11:32] Speaker A: That's my way out. And he started laughing and he. And he was just like, I mean, okay. And she was like, now I gotta rehide it. And he was like, really? She was like, yeah. She's like, because you can't know where it is. What if you go crazy and then you take my money?
[00:11:43] Speaker B: I love that.
[00:11:44] Speaker A: I was like, I approve. I approve of this because she's a stay at home mom.
[00:11:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:48] Speaker A: So she was like, I'm gonna have enough to have an escape.
[00:11:51] Speaker B: You know, we see it all the time where like men, like, they have these women that rely on them. They're stay at home moms, are taking care of the house, they're putting in all the work.
Meanwhile they come find out the man goes, finds another woman, kicks him out, stops paying the mortgage or whatever, leaves them stranded.
[00:12:07] Speaker A: Yeah. And then you're just the kids. You're literally up Schitt's creek.
Yeah. It's not. It's not a good. Not a good thing. So she says pretty soon it became a fight in the marriage and caused so much distrust and heartache. Let's just say nothing has changed over three years. I still do not have access to anything financial. I still do not know what's going on. It's like I wake up with a blindfold to my own life every day. I know it's not me or something I've done. He was this way with his ex wife as well. It's a constant worry, fear of how much debt is there, Am I financially responsible for it, even though I'm unaware?
Or that I don't have any access to any of it or spend it. This was a big issue in our marriage because of the ripple effect it keeps having. I never experienced anything like this. And then it moves into other things.
She said May 30th. Two years ago, I was watching my nephews and I still don't know what that was. I heard in my head, I'm not crazy. I don't hear voices. So I'm very careful about it when I say this, but I just heard something in my head, loud and clear. That said, he's not at work. Go now, honey. That was God.
So definitely listen to that.
[00:13:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:22] Speaker A: She said, I will never forget it. I will never forget. The moment I heard those words, I had no clue what it meant. I asked my oldest daughter if she would go by his work to make sure his. To make sure he was there when she finally did. And when she got there, he wasn't. But his life360 said that he was.
[00:13:36] Speaker B: So he left his phone.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: He left his phone. And that's another thing men have started doing. They're like, oh, well, my wife wants my location, so let me either get a burner, um, or. And let me leave my phone where it is so that way I can make it look like I'm where I'm supposed to be.
[00:13:51] Speaker B: It's like, I've seen where, like, the. Like a random phone just sitting at a gym. Like, you know what the they're doing? They left their phone at the gym, and they're out cheating, and they're gonna come back and get it.
[00:14:01] Speaker A: Yep, 100%.
She said her heart sank and she just knew.
She circled back around and saw him pull up and get out of a car. Still, to this day, I never know where he actually was. How many times has he done that? He said he's done it. Just a few. He said he was going to the gym. There it is.
[00:14:20] Speaker B: Oh, look at there.
[00:14:22] Speaker A: Who goes to the gym without their phone?
[00:14:24] Speaker B: Because I'm telling you, listening to.
[00:14:25] Speaker A: Right.
[00:14:26] Speaker B: Are you not listening to my own thoughts?
[00:14:28] Speaker A: Are you a psychopath that's just listening to your own thoughts while you're working out? Because that's kind of crazy.
[00:14:32] Speaker B: I cannot.
[00:14:33] Speaker A: I mean, I don't even. Like, I listen. People listen to podcasts. I listen to books. You know, you listen to music. Like, you can do whatever you want to listen to, but most people listen to something, or at a minimum, you have headphones on anyway, so people won't bother. Bother you.
[00:14:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:46] Speaker A: So that's crazy.
He said he went the day before and had no issues taking his phone. It never made sense, and it's never added up after that moment. That's when my flight or fight state really took off.
I took his phone that day, literally, drove up to his work, asked for his phone, and drove off. Yes. By. By this point, I could probably have taken the crazy card. I don't think that's crazy.
I think if your husband is cheating, you should be able to look at their phones, and if they have nothing to hide, then they should give you their phone.
Granite men are now also smart enough to try to hide stuff too. So there's that.
[00:15:24] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, there's like the fake apps that hide stuff in them or they just delete it.
[00:15:29] Speaker A: Yep, that too.
She said. I thought it would tell me exactly who he's with, but he also has a work phone.
I can't see anything on it whatsoever. He said it has to be that way. He could get into trouble, but I know better. His job title doesn't require him to have secret stuff on it. He's.
He says that it's confidential for your eyes only type thing.
[00:15:52] Speaker B: Right. I mean, like, it might be right.
[00:15:55] Speaker A: Like some people have to or like have a work phone.
A lot of people do. And some people do work jobs where they have, and especially in this area had the arsenal being here. A lot of people work.
Like a lot of people have TSSCI clearances and stuff.
However, you're never going to get anything on your phone that is clearance related because that's illegal. If it is secret or higher, it has to be on a special computer. It is not supposed to be on just a random phone that China and everybody can break into.
So, sure, he can say that, like his phone is like for business only and for like people with the need to know. And I'm sure that it is. But I, for one, whenever I used to work at the bureau, a lot of people got fired for using their BU phone for things they shouldn't be using it for. Most of which ended up being men who were having affairs using their bu phone. So they were having illicit images sent to their BU phone and then they got caught and they were upset.
[00:16:59] Speaker B: Could you imagine having to explain that to your boss?
[00:17:01] Speaker A: Yeah, but she says that his job title doesn't require him to have the secret stuff on it. So he like, why is it such a secret? So she said, I've always felt like he was cheating and it would all be on that phone. But when I took his personal phone that day, I did find stuff. Nothing that said I'm cheating on you, but I did find a ton of old pictures of his ex wife naked.
Gross.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: Why would you keep that?
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Right?
That's weird. Gross.
[00:17:27] Speaker B: Like, I really hope that anybody I have seen previously, if they have anything that they have deleted it, if you have it, this is your time now.
[00:17:36] Speaker A: They won't. They'll be like, I'm gonna keep this forever.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: Weird.
[00:17:40] Speaker A: No. So she said, gross stuff. Porn. Like porn videos of them, random screenshots of half naked girls. From Instagram.
We've talked about that before too.
[00:17:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:50] Speaker A: He said he has no idea.
He had no idea they were on there. His ex wife pictures. It was just in his camera roll.
[00:17:57] Speaker B: That's a lie.
[00:17:58] Speaker A: Just the Google apps photos. I will also never know if he knew they were there or not. But that destroyed me.
So after all that, all that passed. The same week he leaves for a work conference to Nashville at the Opry Hotel. I didn't have access to her phone records at the time.
Months pass and things really aren't getting any better. And I do gain access to her phone records. And this is in October. I start looking and find a number. He has text so much daily for over a year straight. It stood out quickly. I confronted him, asked who it was. He said it was a mentor of his. I didn't believe that for a second.
Has to see his work phone that night. He said he could have easily deleted the number that I was talking about in his work phone. But he didn't. I guess he didn't expect me to ask for his work phone. But when I was looking, I saw where she was at the same conference with him in June.
[00:18:47] Speaker B: Oh yeah.
[00:18:49] Speaker A: I read text that said, where are you? Have you had breakfast? She replied, I'm in the same place I was yesterday. He asked her randomly if she was working out on a specific day. Just random texts that were not work related.
He texts her a lot on his work phone and his personal phone.
Why did he need to know if another woman worked out or not? It was just things like this happening all the time. He said he's never had an affair. I even contacted the lady and she said they were just friends. I still don't know what the relationship, what their relationship truly was. They were sleeping together.
[00:19:19] Speaker B: Yeah. Because you're not getting breakfast with a rando. Like just friend.
[00:19:23] Speaker A: So it's not.
[00:19:24] Speaker B: Men are not like girls.
[00:19:26] Speaker A: No. So I so. And it depends on the situation. Right? Like when my boss comes in town, I usually get dinner with him because it's, you know, we're remote, we don't see each other. So he's like, let's have a work dinner. And so that is an actual work dinner. He does not hide that from his wife.
His wife knows, hey, I'm taking my employee to dinner.
And you know, whenever I was married to dick, I would be like, hey, my boss is taking me to dinner. Here's where we're going. Here's the times he knew. So like if you're truly not doing anything nefarious you don't hide it. Why didn't he ever tell her about his mentor? There's just no. There's no.
[00:20:10] Speaker B: And breakfast. Yeah, I'm caught up on breakfast.
[00:20:13] Speaker A: Yeah. The morning after.
Yeah.
She says, I just know that if you text someone all day, how are you supposed to do your job?
You probably shouldn't have that job to begin with.
And that was his excuse the whole time, was that he was just texting her for work. And she's like, but you're just texting
[00:20:30] Speaker B: all day and asking if she's going to the gym.
[00:20:33] Speaker A: Oh, she doesn't even work with him. She works at another company.
She has the same job title as him for another company.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: I'm speechless.
[00:20:40] Speaker A: He says he always goes to her for advice, but she never knew this lady even existed.
So then down the timeline, her husband hires a young assistant.
She said, we always talked about this. I always said I didn't feel. I didn't know if I would feel comfortable with something like that. But I never thought he would hide her from me. Well, he did. He was in charge of bringing on an assistant. It was a young 30 year old woman. He hid that for months until I found out.
Of course I'm asking why. Something must be up for him to hide her. It was just weird. Yes.
If he's hiding, it's not normal. She said, I found out women were riding in the car with him that he worked with.
Never knew that part either. It makes me so uncomfortable every day. I know this is who he is. I know it will never get better. He tries to make me feel like I'm crazy. Yes. That's called gaslighting. Mm. He is gaslighting you.
I know. I'm struggling with my mental health. I feel like I used to be normal, but now I feel like he has taken so much from me. Me as a mother, me as a friend. Just me who I used to be. He's taken so much. I wonder every day if this. If there is really someone he's messing around with. But even those thoughts of society subsided.
I think if I could actually just know and see, it would not be a second guess to walk away and leave. But I never have been able to get solid proof. It's always like I'm close and yet I just missed it. Financially should be enough for me to walk away, but yet I'm still here. I'm not financially stable. I did finish school and I'm trying so hard to make it get my name out there, but it's a tough saturated business to be in. I don't make enough to support myself. I do have kids.
They are in a great school. I don't know how to do all of this and make it work. I think the mental stuff has taken over more than anything else. It's been three years of me begging, pleading him to fix issues, include me, be transparent and honest. And I have not moved any further from where we started three years ago. He dismisses me all the time, ignores me and stays silent if I try to bring up something, confront him, or just simply talk about something that's hurting me or I don't like the silence I think has been more damaging than anything else. He will go a whole weekend without speaking, speaking to me. If I make him mad or bring something up.
That's insane.
I'm not sure if you've made it this far. If you have, thank you.
I'm sure y' all have heard a lot of crazy stories. I don't feel like mine is crazy, like an awful cheating scandal. But I feel like mine is different. It's very slow fade. It's been a lot of mind games. One day he is so nice to me and wants to buy me something or even take me to Disney. Some would say I'm so lucky. But then I can't even go to the bank and get money out if I need it.
I can't go to Costco unless he's with me and get all that we need because I can't afford to go by myself and drop $300. So I have to go with him like I'm a child because I don't have his cars. He says he is not financially abusive to me. He says he pays the bills and makes sure things are taken care of.
He does do this, and that's where I get confused. I don't ask for much. I don't get to go shopping. I don't get my nails done. I don't really do anything. But he does pay the bills.
He doesn't pay anything for my kids. Whatever they need is on me. So I feel like I am in a horrible situation. Like I said, I'm in the trenches. I'm not sure how to get out. I don't know what to do or where to go, how to get the help that I actually need.
I'm not sure if this is all normal or not because it's been going on for so long, but it doesn't feel normal. But maybe I could just use a lot of prayers and just women who understand what I'm going through. Maybe I just needed to say all this out loud. He's financially abusing you.
[00:24:15] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: He is gaslighting you. He's cheating on you, and he is financially abusing you.
That is not okay. And there are resources out there for you. If you go listen to some of our other episodes, especially the local one with the Crisis center of North Alabama. They have options for you.
Domesticshelters.org they have options for you. It's not just shelters. It's attorneys. It's places to live in an interim period. Not just like the typical shelters that you're thinking of. Like, there are options for you and your children to get out. I didn't say what you did on here, but for your job. And you've said that it's highly saturated. Start social media and try to get it drawn. Like, talk to people. Like, share it and get it out there. I think definitely, if you can, go to therapy and there are some therapists
[00:25:06] Speaker B: who
[00:25:09] Speaker A: will talk to you for free, especially through those organizations, because you are 100 being abused by this man.
That is not okay. You should even. Even with Dick. He had one of my credit cards. Granted, he used it to buy women's stuff, but he had one of my credit cards because I was like, I don't ever want him to be out somewhere and not be able to buy something.
[00:25:31] Speaker B: Right.
[00:25:31] Speaker A: Like, he needed to be able to if there was an emergency, if he was hungry, like, he shouldn't have to. No person should have call and say, hey, can I get $5 so I can eat right now? With big financial decisions. Absolutely. Have a discussion, because that's just respectful for your partner. But if you want to go to Chick Fil A, you want to go do something and like, you know, my first husband had issues with me getting my nails done and my hair done because he said, why am I trying to impress other people? I'm with him now and I shouldn't do that.
And that was one of my biggest hang ups because I love getting my nails done. My nails are always done.
And so I was like, that was a struggle for me. And it seems like it's the same situation with you.
You deserve to feel good in the body that you're in. So if that's getting your nails done, if it's getting your hair done, whatever it is, like, you should be able to do that stuff, right?
[00:26:28] Speaker B: Or I mean, like, especially, like, when it comes to, like, buying your kids those stuff they need. Like, if that's a problem and he has a problem helping you. Like when he married you, he married your kids.
[00:26:39] Speaker A: Correct. And that's the other thing. Like, I was child free by choice, but I still paid for Dick's children. I paid for their food. I paid for all their birthday presents, their Christmas presents. I wasn't gonna. I'm not punishing the children.
And so you should 100. If you marry somebody who has children, you are now part of those children's lives and you should 100% treat it as such.
[00:27:02] Speaker B: Right.
[00:27:03] Speaker A: So I hate that you're going through this.
I hope that you listen to this episode and that you know that you're one. You're not alone. Other people have been through this and are going through this and there are options for you and you definitely deserve to get away from this and be treated way better than this.
[00:27:20] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:27:22] Speaker A: So that was our story for the week, and we'll see you guys next week. Bye, guys.
[00:27:27] Speaker B: Bye.
[00:27:27] Speaker A: This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan androuse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
