Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to Spill the TM Filtered. Hey, guys.
Another week. Another week. We went to a concert.
[00:00:07] Speaker B: We did. It was so much fun.
If anybody knows Colin Moore, let them know that, you know, if he is looking for somebody, it's me. I would be the perfect wife for him.
[00:00:18] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, He.
He is beautiful. He also.
That voice. Like, dear God, that voice. And, like, during the concert, because we got really close to him and during the concert, like, multiple times, he looked at each of us because he was, like, purposely making, like, eye contact with people.
And it was so funny because it was a smaller venue, which is crazy because they've blown up so big they're going to be in stadiums next year. Like, I'm so glad we saw him where we did and that it was smaller.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: They had to book another one because they had sold out. So they did two for Huntsville.
[00:00:49] Speaker A: Yep. Yeah. And so our night sold out because we bought it back when they first went on sale and then they. They did another one.
But, yeah, it was a phenomenal concert of sleep theory. If you don't know who that is, you should definitely look them up. It was awesome. And it was just. They were just really good, like, shows. Men too. Like. Like, entertaining. Like, he was having a sing along with some Taylor Swift, did some NSync. It was hilarious. He even got in the mosh pit.
[00:01:12] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That was the only time that since probably high school that I've wanted to be in a mosh pit.
[00:01:18] Speaker A: Yeah. I was like, I'm not getting in there, but if I would have fought
[00:01:21] Speaker B: the crowd, like, I would have just to. Just.
[00:01:23] Speaker A: Just to touch it. Just like, hi.
It was funny because we were towards the back when we first got there, and then the mosh started. And so then I was like, on the second mosh, we're gonna run. And so we ran, and I had made a new friend, and I told her that she could come with us. So, like, I went and found her, and I was like, hey, come up. Come up with us. So then we, like, ended up grabbing her. And then it was nice because then anytime mosh pit was made, it was behind us, which was nice. Yeah.
So.
[00:01:53] Speaker B: And there was a lot of, like, crowd surfing.
[00:01:56] Speaker A: That was a little annoying. I'm too old for that.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: I think it's fun.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: It's not fun when they come from behind you and almost fall on your head and your neck.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: Oh, I did save Lauren's life.
[00:02:05] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:06] Speaker B: You guys are all welcome that Lauren is still here today. I did that for y'.
[00:02:09] Speaker A: All. Yeah. Like, it Was wild. It was funny too, because at one point, Colin is sitting there, like, throwing water on people, and Amber got drenched. Like, he completely threw it right at her face. Like, wet, rat drenched hair, like, immediately. And she was turning to tell me, and I had also seen it, so I was already turned so that it only got the back of me, but it got her straight on her face. I was like, oops, I forgive you, colon. Yeah, he is amazing. So it was a great concert.
[00:02:41] Speaker B: He really could be my future husband.
[00:02:43] Speaker A: I'd be fine with it.
You know, I travel a lot right now for work, and every time I go to Memphis, I'm like, is he here?
Are you somewhere? Colin, let a sister know. So I saw this real on Instagram, and I was like, what the fudge?
This woman posted that she had a date with this guy, and it seemed okay, but then he sends her this text and says that if you're gonna go out on a second date with me, I have a set of rules that you need to obey.
He used the word obey?
[00:03:25] Speaker B: What's your dog?
[00:03:26] Speaker A: Wild.
[00:03:27] Speaker B: I am not your dog.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: Wild. He said that he expects women to behave in a certain way and that if you want the privilege of going out with him, then. Then you will adhere to these. And he. He even said, I'm sure this won't be a problem.
Does that work for him? Because I'm. I can't imagine a woman how many
[00:03:45] Speaker B: second dates he's actually got, right?
[00:03:47] Speaker A: I can't imagine a woman actually being okay with any of this.
So he said, number one, that he didn't like that she had two glasses of wine at dinner and that all alcohol consumption stops.
I'm not a big drinker. You're not either. So we're not. We're not huge drinkers. You know, most of the time when I go out to dinner, I don't have a drink, but I'm not going to judge someone who has some wine. And that's insane to ask somebody on a second date to not drink at all or anything. Like, that's. No more alcohol for her.
He said that she must delete all the dating apps and that he will check her phone.
[00:04:23] Speaker B: Like, that's wild. Because, like, they're not even together.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: Like, a second date.
[00:04:28] Speaker B: You're gonna check my phone?
[00:04:29] Speaker A: Second date, he wants to check your phone.
[00:04:31] Speaker B: No, we're not at the. We're not even at the point where I don't know if you're gonna steal my identity, right?
[00:04:37] Speaker A: Well, to me, I'm like, this is a serial Killer. Like, this is somebody who's gonna. He's gonna kill somebody. He's gonna. Ted Bundy. Her. If she was. She did not go on a date, but he also said he will. He gets to have the password to her phone so he can look at it whenever he pleases. Again, mind you, this is to go on a second date, but that she does not get access to his.
[00:05:07] Speaker B: No.
[00:05:07] Speaker A: It seems like he follows the man sphere.
[00:05:09] Speaker B: Oh, I'm sure he does. You know, I once talked to this guy on one of the dating websites, and he was telling me, you know, he's a strong Christian and that he wanted a woman who had strong Christian beliefs, too. And I'm like, okay, cool. I don't. Like, I'm a Christian, but I don't know if we're gonna be on the same page with this, because I'm not a good one. But I'm just being honest with you guys. I'm keeping it real with y'. All. I'm not a good one. Okay. I'm going to talk smack. I'm going to cuss. Like, I might make a threat here and there. Like, I don't mean it, but, like, it might come out.
He had, like, went on to tell me about how, like, he believed that, like, men should be head of household, like, that women shouldn't work and, like. And I was just like, you know, like, I can already tell you we don't have to go out on date because we're not going to align in the same way.
[00:05:55] Speaker A: Nope.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: Because I'm going to work. I'm not going to depend on you.
[00:05:59] Speaker A: That's the way men control women.
[00:06:01] Speaker B: Yeah. No, gross.
[00:06:03] Speaker A: Yeah. I do not prescribe to that version of Christianity. So either. Not happening.
[00:06:09] Speaker B: Like I said. I also, like, not for the Sister Wives thing.
[00:06:13] Speaker A: No. Well, yeah, that's like Mormon and stuff. And even then, they don't.
[00:06:16] Speaker B: I'm just go ahead and putting that on there. Like, no, Remember, I was baptized Mormon.
I was baptized Mormon. Oh, nice.
[00:06:22] Speaker A: They don't prescribe to that anymore. I have a lot of friends that are Mormon, so they don't prescribe to that as anymore. I'm sure they're still like the far. The cult ones that are like the Latter Day Saints stuff in Utah. They like all the ones you see on Netflix. They're still the problem. But your general Mormons are not. He also told her on top of all that deleting the apps, he wants to check her phone. He wants to have her password. She can't have his. On top of all that, he said you are not allowed to have any girls nights unless he gives her permission to do so. Because girls nights are a excuse to go and have bad behavior.
I don't know what girls nights he's talking about because when we have girls nights, we're going to eat, we're reading books, playing games. Like we're just hanging out at somebody's house. So I don't understand what women he's talking about. Like, are you dating like 19 year olds who are going clubbing? Because.
Because this woman looks like she was our age.
[00:07:16] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:17] Speaker A: So I'm like, what, like ages are you looking at? And probably he probably is. And that probably irritates him. But that's why you don't try to date someone who's young, who is still in that let's go out and party lifestyle. Like, if you don't want that lifestyle, go for an older person who is more mature and who is has that. That's their past.
But either way, just saying you have to have permission to go out is again, wild. And his last signing off was that I don't chase, I choose.
[00:07:49] Speaker B: Okay, well, you ain't gonna choose me.
[00:07:55] Speaker A: Choosing her either. And I was just like shocked that a man.
[00:07:59] Speaker B: I.
[00:08:00] Speaker A: No, I'm not sure. I'm not shocked.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: We're not.
[00:08:03] Speaker A: What. I was talking to a friend the other day and she's like, I just wish I had the confidence of a mediocre white man and the audacity that they have. And I was like, seriously though, like, we should start acting that way because, like, that's insane behavior, sir. To be like, we went on one date and this is what I need you to agree to, to go on a second date with me. Like, no, I'm good. I'm pretty sure she probably wasn't even planning to go out with him anyway on this on the second day. Because he probably sucked.
[00:08:27] Speaker B: Not if that was his personality to begin with. Like, he sounds like an asshole. Like, I wouldn't go out with the second date with him.
[00:08:34] Speaker A: Yeah, gross.
And let's talk about our shirts real quick.
[00:08:39] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. So we got new merch. We talked about it last week, but we're super excited to share some more with you guys. So my shir says, give yourself grace. You didn't know what you didn't know. That's something that as I was working through a lot of my issues in therapy that like, my therapist kept telling me because I was mad at myself. I was mad at the things I allowed to happen to me. The things that I forgave. And she's like, give yourself grace. So that sticks with me every day now.
[00:09:05] Speaker A: Yeah, and mine's the complete opposite of a shirt. Mine says, don't be a dick, because if you've been here for a minute, you know that my story started all because of Dick. Um, so don't be like him and just don't be a dick in general. And it has a unicorn on it, so it's really confusing.
[00:09:21] Speaker B: You know, given a side eye.
[00:09:23] Speaker A: Yeah, it's. It's given a side eye, unicorn. Don't be a dick.
So just a reminder, you don't have to be like dick or just a dick in general. But yeah, I love the shirt so much. I'm so happy with it. And we have shirts, we have mugs, we have, you know, some other stuff on there. So definitely check that out. Oh, our story today. You're going to read a story for us that somebody sent in.
[00:09:47] Speaker B: So somebody sent this in. They said after much thought, they wanted to share their story to maybe help someone else so they don't end up like them.
[00:09:56] Speaker A: That's nice. I like that. I think that that's a. A big part of this that we talk about is that it's nice that people want to actually share their stories because they're like, if this helps one person, then it's worth it. So that if they're in a similar situation right now, they could be like, oh, this isn't normal. Like, this isn't okay. Like, someone else got out of it, so maybe I can too.
[00:10:17] Speaker B: I really needed this in my early 20s.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: Yeah, so.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: So it says, let's go back to 2019. I stumbled upon a friend that I had been friends with in high school. While scrolling Facebook, we had lost touch because her wife at the time had blocked her from talking to me way back when.
[00:10:35] Speaker A: Oh, so her wife made her block her. So this is a friend. Well, that's toxic behavior.
[00:10:43] Speaker B: So Jessica messaged me and we started talking again. And somewhere along the way, in the pm she confessed that she had feelings for me. Two days later, she flew out to Kansas to spend a week with me.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: Oh, okay.
[00:10:59] Speaker B: Came out, spent the time with me, flew back to Florida, and six days later, she was on a plane back to can this Kansas to permanently live with me. Unbeknownst to me, she had did time in the military, which later on I find out she never made it through basic training. But I'll get to that later. She also informs me that she had been to jail or drugs and Supposedly it was her ex wife's fault that she went to jail, which later turns out to be a lie.
[00:11:29] Speaker A: Okay, so she, she went to jail for drugs. I think that was the typo that she sent us. So she went to jail for drugs, blamed it on her ex wife, and that turns out to be a lie. Okay.
[00:11:39] Speaker B: She moves in with me. So she moved out of where she was living and we move into my uncle's house. At the time, neither myself or Jessica realized that I'm about to find out something that changes my life dramatically.
My grandparents both passed away, left me money, but they had made it so that my uncle was over my money so that my other two siblings could not take it from me.
[00:12:02] Speaker A: Oh, well, that was nice. I, I, we love it when people actually like plan for death and you know, make it safe.
[00:12:09] Speaker B: So my uncle and Jessica and myself go out for lunch one day and he then shows me the paperwork about my grandparents estate and what they left for me.
After finding this information out, I about died because of what was left to me. I tell my uncle I want to buy my own house. We look, I find a house, we buy it. It's literally around the corner from where my uncle's house is. We move in and that's where things go to hell.
[00:12:38] Speaker A: Oh God. Oh God. Because like she used her inheritance to be able to buy this house. And like, I'm sure she was. I mean most people would be like, oh my God, like I have something.
Yeah. Now like that I can survive and maybe not even have a mortgage. Like that would be lovely.
Yeah.
[00:12:55] Speaker B: So Jessica was on probation from having been in jail and she can't drink while being on probation. She's an alcoholic and I'm unaware of it because she never told me that. So she starts heavily drinking and with that came the verbal abuse. The physical and sexual had not started.
[00:13:13] Speaker A: Okay, so she was an alcoholic. So she didn't know she was an alcoholic. Which means she was hiding it.
[00:13:17] Speaker B: Yeah, she was hiding it up until they got that house. Yeah.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: Okay. And that happens like when you start living with somebody.
[00:13:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:13:24] Speaker B: You really start to like realize when people get more comfortable is when they start showing those other sides of.
So every day she's drinking heavily and getting mean with me. Mind you, she's not working at all and I'm paying for everything.
Not even six months living there. And she wants to move back home where we went to, went to school at, which is in New Hampshire.
[00:13:48] Speaker A: Okay, well, Kansas, Kansas City and New Hampshire are two completely different things.
[00:13:52] Speaker B: But also she just bought this house.
[00:13:53] Speaker A: Right. Literally just bought this house. And this person. We're gonna. This parasite is exactly what it is. Yeah. This parasite is living for free. Maybe, maybe she'll be straight for Dick and her and Dick can be together.
[00:14:06] Speaker B: Hey, what an idea.
[00:14:07] Speaker A: Yeah, they can parasite off each other.
[00:14:09] Speaker B: So we look, we find a house, I end up buying it. Fast forward to living in New Hampshire. She moves her parents and. And it's a nightmare.
[00:14:18] Speaker A: Oh, God.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: There's alcoholics. And I'm trying to get Jessica to quit drinking. And they are just influencing her even more. They are disrespectful to me and my daughter who lives with me full time. So that's not even great for the daughter.
[00:14:32] Speaker A: No, that's horrible for the daughter to be around a bunch of alcoholics and for this woman. So you bought a second house for this woman. And I'm guessing at this point she's still being a parasite and now she's letting her parents be parasites.
[00:14:44] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:14:45] Speaker A: Dear God.
Ugh. I hate this for you.
[00:14:48] Speaker B: Right?
So I tell Jessica I'm throwing her parents out one night and she slaps me across the face that night. At this point, I tell her that her parents need to leave. She says she's leaving too. Okay, whatever. I don't care.
[00:15:02] Speaker A: Bye.
[00:15:03] Speaker B: See you later.
At that point, I had moved my best friend from Kansas and. And I currently was enrolled in online college program to keep my mind off of things. I forgot to add in that in 2020 her parents needed money to pay their drug dealer that they owed. So I bought their house in Florida for 40,000 because they were in debt over pain pills to a dealer.
Jessica's parents moved from Florida to New Hampshire and that's how they ended up at my house. After parents move out, she says she wants to move back to Florida.
We pack up the house and move to Florida.
[00:15:43] Speaker A: Oh my God.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: What?
I'm selling my house in Kansas and the New Hampshire house, which I regret to this day. During this time, Jessica gets a brand new car and name brand clothes and anything she needs because she came to Kansas with just the clothes on her back. And I want to give her a better life than what she had. We get to Florida and things are going okay for a couple of years. And then all hell breaks out. The heavy drinking begins again.
We want to adopt a child, so we essentially need a bigger place because what we have is only a two bedroom, two bath. So we look for house and find one. I put the $90,000 down for the down payment and she and my uncle finance the rest so she can build credit. Jessica becomes more dependent on alcohol and becomes heavily addicted to pain pills. She becomes violent and abusive towards me at this time.
[00:16:39] Speaker A: Thank God.
[00:16:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:40] Speaker A: So. So you've moved three times for this woman. Bought three different house, now a fourth house. Yeah, this is the fourth house you've bought for this woman, who I guess in between probably was, like, either not drinking as much or hiding it better and not being as abusive. And then, like, keeps going back into this abuse cycle.
[00:16:59] Speaker B: I'm still in school, thank goodness. We ended up renewing our vows. And she ends up feeling bad for her friend that DJs our wedding, and moves him and his family into our house.
[00:17:09] Speaker A: What is happening? How does this woman just think that people can just be moved in because she's a parasite?
[00:17:14] Speaker B: She's used to wild behavior. She's just using her.
[00:17:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: Without even talking to me about it. So to make it worse, she didn't even talk to her about it.
[00:17:21] Speaker A: And it's her house.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: Right.
So, long story short, she has an affair with the DJ's wife and leaves in the middle of the night with her and her kids, not leaving a note or anything, and shuts her location off. During this time, they were all living with us. Jessica and the DJ's wife were having an affair long before me or the husband knew.
[00:17:43] Speaker A: Oh, my God. So that's why she moved them in. Yeah, because she wanted the woman, the wife, there.
[00:17:48] Speaker B: There were nights that she would get sick so drunk she would choke me. She would put my head through the bedroom door frame. She also would sexually abuse me. I want people to know that this is never okay and that they don't have to settle. Her leaving was the best thing that ever happened because now I'm living the best life with my daughter. Daughter's dad, who is my high school sweetheart.
[00:18:12] Speaker A: Good, good. Good for her. I'm glad she has a happy ending. I'm glad her daughter has a happy ending. To be able to live, you know, without this crazy woman and the influence that they had on her.
And this is a great story too, because I. I don't. I don't think we've. Have we had an LGBTQ story yet, so this is perfect. You are a very patient woman.
[00:18:34] Speaker B: Way more patient than I could be.
[00:18:35] Speaker A: And good for you. Like, I mean, bless. Bless your heart for having to put up with her because, like, four houses. Like, you must have truly loved her and were going through it with her.
I'm glad she left because it sounds like you might not have had the strength to do it. So I'm glad she ended up leaving. I hate how she did it, though. I'm sure that that was very traumatic. Any betrayal is traumatic. And then throw on top of that, drug abuse, financial abuse, sexual abuse and everything. And that's also, I think, something important to point out is that in the LGBTQ community, there is still sexual abuse and things that go on. Just because it's girl on girl or guy on guy, it doesn't matter. There's still sexual abuse. That happens.
Um, and again, just because you're married to somebody does not grant them access to your body whenever they want.
They cannot just rape you. It is rape. Even if you are married, it is rape. If you are not consenting and willing, it is rape.
So being married does not just give people a pass, which for some reason I know the man sphere and other people think that it does. It does not. Alcohol is not an excuse either. You can't blame, like, oh, I was drunk. I didn't mean it. You know, those things, like, if you'll do it when you're drunk, you'll do it when you're sober.
So gross. That's some gross behavior there.
[00:19:50] Speaker B: I know that that must really hurt. I'm sure that after that, that you probably beat yourself up a lot, but like we talked about at the beginning of this podcast, do make sure that you give yourself grace.
[00:20:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:20:02] Speaker B: You didn't know what you didn't know.
[00:20:04] Speaker A: Right. And, I mean, obviously, I. I would be interested to know what happened to the husband too, since it was his wife having the affair with her. Like, I'm sure that that was a wild thing. And the fact that she moved her in, probably having already started that affair, then moved them in so that she could easily have access to her to continue the affair.
And those poor kids, then those poor kids are like, wait, where's dad?
[00:20:27] Speaker B: Right? What happened to him?
[00:20:28] Speaker A: Yeah, what happened to dad? What happened to those. And, like, those poor kids. Oh, bless them. And I. I would honestly be interested to see if the.
If they're still together, her ex wife and the DJ's wife, if they're still together. Because I just want to cheat her. Always a cheater. Like, I'm sorry. It just is what it is. So, like, she's gonna continue that process. And this is why we can't just believe people when they're like, my ex was crazy.
[00:20:54] Speaker B: Like, absolutely not.
[00:20:55] Speaker A: So she was saying that her, for her ex was the reason she got the drug charges and everything, which obviously turned out to Be a lie. And I'm sure she was saying other crazy things about her first ex wife. And, you know, I'm sure at the time, just like I did with Dick. Like, you believe it at first because you're just like, oh, well, you're such a nice person. Like, I. You. You wouldn't do those things. And then when the veil drops and you're like, oh, no, you were the problem the whole time. And, you know, like you said, you don't know what you don't know. And like, for me, now, I know that that's a red flag. So that's one of the red flags we talk about. If you are with somebody who's constantly just saying, my ex is crazy, everything's my ex's fault. It's never taking any accountability for themselves or anything else. And that's probably a red flag.
[00:21:42] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:21:44] Speaker A: Unless they have receipts to prove, like, I do.
So.
[00:21:47] Speaker B: And I do hope that, like, you learn from this to kind of, like, pull back a little bit, like you want to do for other people. And, like, we all do. Right. And we want to give them a better life, but do make sure that they are also contributing equally to you in some way or form, because we see that often where financial abuse is also a thing.
[00:22:07] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. So if it wasn't for financial abuse, then I would be fine.
The financial abuse is what makes it linger like that. Financial abuse takes longer because it takes court. It takes the person actually paying you back if you get lucky with that. And if you don't get lucky with that, then you're having to dig yourself out of debt. Yeah, so.
[00:22:28] Speaker B: So you want to make sure that, like, the love is genuine and that, like, well, you do want to spoil them. Because, I mean, like, I'm a gift giver. Lauren's a gift giver. Like, we have to hold back from giving each other gifts.
[00:22:37] Speaker A: It's weird. So we're.
[00:22:39] Speaker B: We're weird.
[00:22:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
I bought something for Jess the other day, and I showed up and I was like, here. And she was like, what's this for? I was like, I just saw it. And she was just like, I thought you liked it. Okay.
[00:22:48] Speaker B: But you do want to make sure that, like, the love is genuine and that, like, we're not just pouring into these people who are. Who are leeches or parasites.
[00:22:56] Speaker A: And they can seek it out.
[00:22:57] Speaker B: They do. They seek it. They look for people that are like you and I, you know, they want people like us who are. Who are independent, who can support our own, who have a healthy income because they know that they can take from us.
[00:23:11] Speaker A: Yep.
Yeah. Which is why I'm just like, we've talked about it before. I'm not dating at all. And. But I'm also just like, I just don't, like, I don't think I'll ever be able to because I'm going to be like, I don't. I'm not buying, like, it's your birthday. I don't care. I'm not buying you anything because I don't want to go down that. I'm going to buy my friends gifts. I'm not buying you gifts.
[00:23:28] Speaker B: Like, you can buy them a gift. Just don't, like, go crazy and buy them.
[00:23:32] Speaker A: I had to hold myself back on your birthday.
[00:23:35] Speaker B: I said, don't go crazy.
[00:23:36] Speaker A: I know, but it's hard because you're like, oh, they would like this. Oh, they would like this. Speaking of, we do need to go. We need to go on our dates, our best friend dates.
[00:23:43] Speaker B: We do need to go on a best friend's date. But.
[00:23:45] Speaker A: Yeah, so. Well, thank you so much for sending that in and for trusting us with your story. We really, really appreciate it and so glad that you're in a better place and that you're in a healthy, you know, relationship and situation now.
But, yeah, so we will see you next week.
[00:24:02] Speaker B: Bye, guys.
[00:24:03] Speaker A: Bye. This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
