Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to Civility Unfiltered. Hey, guys.
All right, so another. Another week. We've met. We've survived another one. I'm gonna talk about a show.
[00:00:10] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:00:10] Speaker A: Because.
Okay, so Amber is busy getting her master's, so she's like. She's not in the world of pop culture right now.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: If we're being honest. Even if I wasn't working on my master's degree, I probably still wouldn't be in the world of pop culture.
[00:00:24] Speaker A: That's fair. But this has to do with books. So. So this has to do with, you know, we. We all know I love some books.
So the new show.
Well, by the time this comes out, it won't be new anymore, but the show Off Campus, L. Kennedy wrote the books, and it's a hockey. Another hockey romance. Because we love some hockey romances. So I remember we talked about heated rivalry before, and that was a gay hockey romance. This one is heterosexual, but it's like college kids, so it's younger age. Whereas the other one was professional.
So let me tell you, these men, so there's like, four of them, and we Stan an emotionally intelligent guy, and it's funny to think that they're in college because I'm like, there's no way they'd be this emotionally intelligent. But, like, Lord, the way they talk and the way that they are. It's a little different than the book because the book was written back in, like, 2014, 2015. So that one, I feel like when it was written, was written, like, for younger a group of people. But the. The. The show was written for women to the point that I had to Google how old the actors are to make sure that it was okay. That I was, like, thinking about how attractive they are, because I was just like, these. These men are hot. And it is. They're all in their late 20s, 30s, so. But the girl was only, like, 19. So I was like, I gotta check, because that's gross. Like, because immediately, if they're young, I'm like, no, but late. Late 20s. Absolutely. Absolutely. They were beautiful. So. But they were super, super awesome. But in it, there's also a best friend situation, which I loved. And it was like, girls supporting girls, girls having each other's backs. It was a beautiful way to portray that. So I was really, really excited to see that portrayed in a. A TV show. It also kind of took me back to, like, the old school, like, Breakfast of Tiffany, 16 candles, like, 10 things I hate about you vibe. Like, that was, like, the vibe. And I feel like we Just haven't had that in a long time. So it felt, it felt good. So highly recommend, recommend books and also the show if that interests you.
So we have a story today, it's a little long, it's multiple stories, so let's get into it. So she said these are in no particular order.
I would like to start by saying with all this that she has bpd, depression, adhd, adhd, the tism, etc, a full cocktail of mental health problems. And every man reassured me about it all until they didn't. So she was honest with everybody she's dated. I know I could be a lot and sometimes my emotions are heightened, but they all knew what they were getting into.
The lightest of them was probably the one who pursued me, wanted to sleep on the phone together with, would constantly communicate with me, spent months pouring into me, validating, communicating, breathing love and life into me. But there was this girl that actively wanted him and she was not shy about it. Anytime I brought up her, constantly shooting her shot, she was met with. It doesn't matter what she wants because I don't want it low key. Understandable. But I still like wanted him to do something about it. He had so many friends that were girls, which.
[00:03:43] Speaker B: Red flag.
[00:03:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
Not at this age, no.
Unless it's like your friends, unless you've been friends for a very long time, they've been in your life a long time, and you're also friends with their spouse. You know, there are situations where it works, but most the time that just doesn't work these days. So she said I. It got to the point that she was just uncomfortable with more than one of them. Everything was ripped out from under me. At that point, he suddenly didn't want to sleep on the phone anymore. He was less affectionate. Everything changed literally overnight. And she went on high alert.
I know I should have just walked away, but like every sad story, I liked him. I didn't know if it was me being unrealistic and unreasonable or if it was the situation.
He always wanted me to communicate. So I tried and kept trying. And even though those conversations had deteriorated, when I finally got to the point to wanting to leave, he said, you. You know I love you, but if you want to leave, I can't stop you.
The last conversation we had, he just, he said, just because I don't talk to you anymore doesn't mean I don't like you or still want you around. And I told him that that's exactly what that means.
[00:04:58] Speaker B: What do you mean? Like just because we don't talk anymore. Like, isn't that the whole part? Like, what are we doing here?
I'm sorry, what?
Okay. Like, why do you have me here then?
[00:05:09] Speaker A: Gaslight. That was so gaslighty. Like, gross, gross. I'm got away from him. Then she says for again another story. So she sent multiple stories. They're not in a particular order, she says. There was a guy I met, but he lived far away. He was about nine years older than me. I was 26, he was 35.
We did long distance for two years. I had taken trips out to see him, meet his friends, stuff like that, which is normal. I mean, long distance is hard anyway, right? So. But if you're going to enter it, then you have to travel and do those things. We agreed I should move out there. I quit my job, packed everything I could fit my vehicle and drove across the country.
And then it was different once I moved in.
Tell his oldest time. Yep. Literally.
Yeah.
We somehow talked less. He was more distant. He started staying out after work at bars and casinos, not coming home until 4am Red flag.
I hate that. Like, God, why do men think that that's okay?
[00:06:09] Speaker B: Oh, they do. Like, but they also think that, like, I mean, she moved all the out there. He didn't think she would leave.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: One night he didn't come home at all. I stopped eating. Was in such a heightened state of stress every day. Well, of course you were, because that is not a way to live.
[00:06:27] Speaker B: And you literally just packed up everything and moved out there.
[00:06:31] Speaker A: He took me to a work party on my birthday and fell asleep after we got home. There were numbers texting him around 1am that weren't saved in his phone. I typed them into Facebook.
They were girls asking, smart of you. Smart of you.
[00:06:43] Speaker B: I wish that they would bring back that feature Facebook. Why did you get rid of that?
[00:06:47] Speaker A: Because men run it. Men run it because, boy, were we
[00:06:51] Speaker B: over here really doing some FBI work. Yeah, Now I type it in. The Cash app.
[00:06:56] Speaker A: Yep.
They were girls asking him if he was coming out drinking. I asked him about it the next day and he said they were just friends and co workers, nothing to be worried about.
On Christmas, we went to his best friends I had only met once, spoken to and slash spoken to him once the entire day. He was cold and distant. By that night, there was drinking all day and some THC being done.
He wouldn't speak to me. When I sat down beside him and tried to cuddle him, he pulled away hard. I just went home and went to bed. I fell asleep and was woken up A couple hours later, to him ribbing, ripping the covers off me because clearly I was trying to F his friend and I was disgraceful and needed to come out. Now she says, I was so confused, girl, I would have been, too. Like, you're half asleep, and then all of a sudden this man's ripping covers off you because he's drunk and being an.
[00:07:49] Speaker B: Are you sure that he didn't have issues?
[00:07:51] Speaker A: Well, yeah. Like, that's probably what actually happened.
And she said it was Christmas night in Montana, and I was suddenly in my car and nowhere to go and no way. With nowhere to go and no way to get there. He wouldn't talk to me. I ended up calling my family.
That helped me get back home. A couple months later, I get a DM from someone I don't know asking me if I knew him and how. She said she was pregnant with his kid and knew someone else who was also pregnant with his kid. What?
[00:08:23] Speaker B: You dodged a bullet.
[00:08:24] Speaker A: You sure did. That's.
And then how many others are there?
[00:08:29] Speaker B: Right? Like, gross.
[00:08:35] Speaker A: She said we had pieced together that one of my trips out there, he was taking her bra back to her before he picked me up from the airports? No, like, on the way to get me. Stopped by her place.
After he kicked me out at Christmas night, he went to her place.
[00:08:56] Speaker B: The audacity.
[00:08:57] Speaker A: Literally.
Get this audacity. He still texts me from time to time, different numbers. Says he misses me.
[00:09:07] Speaker B: Boy, if you don't get up out
[00:09:08] Speaker A: her phone, she says respectfully, he can miss me with that. Ish.
Yes, girl, yes.
[00:09:15] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:09:16] Speaker A: Glad you know better, because, dear God. Like that. That's some wild audacity behavior is what that is. All right, she's. Here's another one. She says, I started dating someone who plays the same kind of games as me. He lived about an hour away, and we dated for a few months, and I used to stay two to three days at his place each week. I work four days a week, and he worked from home.
One of my weekends, I had a particularly bad depressive episode and didn't want to go. He was so kind and gentle with me. He wasn't pushy, but told me if I managed to come over, he would do what he could to help me. So I went. He spent a couple hours holding me while I cried, rocking me in his arms, kissing my head and my forehead, telling me I was perfect. The next morning, we went to the store to get stuff for breakfast we could together. As we finished, he told me this wasn't working and that he Thought we should break up. And that gutted me. Yeah, like, what? Why was he.
What?
So he was there through all this, like, stuff, and then all of a sudden, perfect.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: She's this, she's that. And the next morning, it's like a complete flip.
[00:10:24] Speaker A: Listen, and this goes to show you that, like, they will literally just say anything. They will just say anything they like.
[00:10:29] Speaker B: Like, why even have her over? Like, if you feel like this is too much, like, let her just deal with her stuff, right?
Time and a place, man. Time and a place.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: It's crazy. She says after one of his friends had reached out because he couldn't believe it happened, him and I grew closer. I know I should have taken more time to heal. I was devastated for months. His friend and I started dating, and eventually he moved in with me.
Everything changed when we were talking and dating. He lived on his own coach clean, and was fully functioning adult. But once he moved in with me, he became a child. Of course he did, because he was like, now I have a mommy to do everything. Because that's what a lot of men want is a mommy. Even though they say they don't want a mommy, they want a mommy.
[00:11:11] Speaker B: Have you ever had a man ask you to call him Daddy?
[00:11:13] Speaker A: Of course. No.
[00:11:15] Speaker B: Why do I go through this?
[00:11:16] Speaker A: Oh, no, no. I just have men that want to leech off me like a parasite.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: One of my exes wanted me to, and I wouldn't. I was like, no, that's weird. I'm not doing that.
[00:11:25] Speaker A: Gross. I hate that for you. Also, sorry. I have allergies, and it is wild out there right now. Anyway, so once he moved in with me, he became a child. He never touched the laundry. He cooked once. And does it count as cooking if the chicken was still raw two hours after being in the oven?
[00:11:41] Speaker B: Was the oven on?
[00:11:43] Speaker A: It was a tragedy.
She's funny. I like her.
He actually called me mom once, and I almost lost it. He gained 100 pounds in six months from doing nothing. And. And only eating the meals I was making. And not only eating the meals I was making, but eating McDonald's nonstop. I couldn't believe what my life devolved to. I. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to talk to him. I was depressed all the time, angry when he spoke to me. I had a talk with him about breaking up, and he didn't like it, but wanted me to be happy. He still wanted to engage and spend time with me. I ended up asking him to move out, and then he had. And then had to give him a deadline in case I needed to evict him. I also found out he lied about everything he ever told me about. Likes and hobbies and really everything. I don't understand it. Same, same. That's what Dick did. Oh, I love traveling. Oh, I love all this other stuff that you love. And I don't play video games. Come to find out, like, that's all he did before he met me. Like he completely changed his personality to be with me.
[00:12:45] Speaker B: Well, that's how my ex was too.
[00:12:47] Speaker A: It's crazy. Like, why do they change everything just to like become who they think you need to be? But it's because he sounds like he was a leech. And he was like, well, now I have somebody to take care of me. So let me become what she needs so that she'll let me move in with her and let me be with her. Gross.
[00:13:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:05] Speaker A: And then she says the last story, which was also the first one, is the worst. We were young. We met because we lived in the same building. We end ended up moving in together after about six months of dating. I thought he was perfect. I was young and dumb.
Weren't we all?
I spent five years with him. I thought if I could just be loyal and try harder than then I could be enough. Terrible things happened. He never exactly beat me.
[00:13:35] Speaker B: He.
[00:13:35] Speaker A: But he did worse to me. We had a pull out bed in a sectional couch. At one point, he chained me to the metal bar. Holy shit.
[00:13:43] Speaker B: It'd be that first one, man.
[00:13:45] Speaker A: Yeah, the first one really does. The first one really does mess with you. But I'm like, he's changing to the door, the. To the metal bar. Like I'm reading a book right now where a guy has a girl kidnapped in her in his basement. So like that's. That's the vibe it's called. And that's where he kept her.
[00:13:59] Speaker B: Oh yeah, I'm about to read it.
[00:14:01] Speaker A: Yeah.
So that's what that's giving. Okay. I was only there for about a day because he was tired of my crying. He left her for a day.
[00:14:14] Speaker B: That's wild.
How does she go pee?
[00:14:17] Speaker A: Probably on herself, you know, I couldn't
[00:14:18] Speaker B: have made an hour.
[00:14:21] Speaker A: I came home from work one day and all the doorknobs were gone. Inside of the apartment, he said he was tired of me walking away. When we argued once, he threw.
[00:14:29] Speaker B: Oh, I wish. See, this is how I know maybe I am the abusive partner, because I just know I throw hands
[00:14:38] Speaker A: I would have back in the day. Now I'm just like Whatever. Get out of my house.
[00:14:42] Speaker B: No, I would be like, get out of my house. But, like, if you lock me in there, you're not. Let me out. One of us are throwing hands that. It's probably gonna be me.
[00:14:48] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, for sure.
Once he threw a solid glass plate full of food at me because we were arguing. Another argument. I laid down on the couch and he dumped his bottle of grizzly wintergreen dip spit out on my head.
Oh, my God.
Straight to jail. Straight to jail, sir. That's the. Oh, God, that's so gross.
And your first love, like, Jesus. God, it is. It's the first one that fucks you. I swear to God, every time.
[00:15:20] Speaker B: Every damn time.
[00:15:22] Speaker A: Oh. He cheated on me with multiple women. One was his baby mama, of which he brought her back to our apartment, had sex with her on our couch, filmed it, and then used it to blackmail her. Well, he's a great human, fantastic guy.
She had agreed to come.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Everybody want to be with him.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: Oh, that's. God. Can you imagine? Like, she's. She agreed to come over first. Over for sex, for money, for her phone bill.
His child wanted. Wanted for nothing, by the way. He paid his child support. But if she texted and she said.
And said he needed something, I would go get it and drop it off. I would never let their baby go without. So it sounds like she was just.
She could have asked for the money. And either he was blackmailing her into it or, you know. And he didn't tell the one he was living with, the one telling this story.
He would tell women to send him naked pictures in different positions. One girl and him would talk about how much they both hated me and talked about drugging me to have sex on my unconscious body.
Shame on that woman, because what that. I hope that woman has the day she deserves in hell. Literally, like, disgusting. Just gross.
At one point, he broke my phone upside the back of my head and gave me a Traumatic brain injury, nerve damage in my shoulder.
The last day I saw him, he tried to rape me. He was going on a rampage, breaking everything in the apartment. Got his blood on me when he tried to hold me down. I got away and moved the desk in the bedroom in front of the door. He was talking to me through the doorknob hole because, again, he took the doorknobs.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:14] Speaker A: And almost broke the door in half trying to get to me. I called 91 1. They made him leave. I declined to press charges because I didn't want him to lose his job.
Ladies, we have got to stop protecting These men, like, sorry, they need, they need to learn a lesson. They need to look, they need to lose their jobs and he needs to have a background check because he needs to not be able to get certain jobs. Like men like this need to have a record so that they can't get other jobs.
[00:17:39] Speaker B: Amen.
[00:17:40] Speaker A: Maybe then they'll learn.
He began emailing me and threatening to blackmail me by sending pictures and videos to my family if I didn't let him over, come over and have sex with me. He threatened to shoot my dad if he tried to help. Oh, see now, now that, that's where I, that's where I get mad because I'm so close to my dad. I swear to God, if somebody threatened my daddy, I'd be finding the nearest hog farm.
[00:18:03] Speaker B: I know an alligator farm.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: I do too. And New Orleans ain't that far. Just saying.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: Now there is Florida.
[00:18:09] Speaker A: Yeah. Then Florida too. Like, we got, we got this.
You don't come after my daddy like, like, like, how dare you. I'm gonna shoot your dad if he tries to help you go yourself with a capital F.
Honestly, there was so much more that happened during that and what continued to happen after. I learned later in life that we accept the love we think we deserve.
I have had healthy, loving relationships since then. And I have taken years to work on myself and heal and grow.
So. And that's very true, especially at that age. Like, I think I was the same way with, with.
I think we called him Jay.
My first relationship, obviously I didn't have good, like high self esteem. Like I thought that I deserved that situation and, and I didn't. And no one does. And she definitely didn't deserve any of these stories. So she's had. I'm glad she said that. She's had some good ones in there.
There's a lot of really bad stories in there. So bless her. She went through some. Some. And good on her for still wanting to date.
Yeah. Being wanting it because I'm like.
But yeah, that was, that was a crazy one. Those were a lot. But thank you so much for sharing those with us and for trusting us with your stories. We, we really do appreciate. And I do think that it helps other women know that they're not alone. We are wearing some more of our shirts today.
Mine says divorce looks good on me.
[00:19:32] Speaker B: And mine says my glow up is my flex. I might have not glown up yet, but it's coming. I'm still going to burn. We're gonna, we're gonna glow up.
[00:19:41] Speaker A: You've blown up but yeah, so we have some like gym, gym related, workout related stuff. We also have some bookish things because as we said earlier, I love me some books.
So yeah, check out our merch. And you know what, give us a follow. If you have a YouTube and you're not already following us, please, please hit subscribe. We would really like to grow our YouTube and tell all your friends and we will see you guys next week. Bye guys. Bye. This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
