He Peed in the Corner of the Room

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to Spill the Tea Unfiltered. Hey, guys. Oh, man. You know, there's something trending right now. Have you seen it? [00:00:07] Speaker B: Yeah. Are you talking about Kate? [00:00:08] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:00:09] Speaker B: Because that's wild. [00:00:11] Speaker A: Wild. So if you don't know what we're talking about. There was a girl who was on a podcast who said that she's not a feminist. Sorry, sue me. And then later, like, what? She came back and was like, oops, sorry. I didn't know what feminism was. [00:00:29] Speaker B: Did you see how uncomfortable her friend was when she said that? And she was like, oh, I am. [00:00:34] Speaker A: Well, yes, because all women should be, right. [00:00:37] Speaker B: Like, her friend was, like, embarrassed for her. [00:00:40] Speaker A: Yeah, I would be, too. [00:00:43] Speaker B: Me, too. I'd be like. [00:00:44] Speaker A: And she said, like, she thought it was, like, the man hate club, which that kind of does go with it to a degree, but it's because of things like the man sphere and things like the rape academy. You know, that's where that comes from. And they're, like, not being equal. And the movement right now where they're saying they want to take our rights away for voting, but, like, it's not [00:01:09] Speaker B: all men, obviously, however, women should be able to stand up for their rights. [00:01:13] Speaker A: Well, yes, we should be able to stand up for our rights. And the thing with, like, the. It's not all men, but it's always a man. And it's the whole concept of, like, we don't know which man. So if you have a tray of cookies in front of you and one of them is poisonous, are you going to try. Like, are you going to go, guess which one's the bad one? Like, no one's going to do that. Like, you're not going to purposely do that. So the problem is, because there are so many bad men out there, obviously, with things, again, like the man sphere and the rape academy, we. [00:01:49] Speaker B: Or how about the man in Huntsville? [00:01:52] Speaker A: Yeah. I mean, yeah, there's a guy that killed his wife, and he's been on the run, and he said, hey, there's our mascot back there making biscuits. He's in the bakery. That is Tupac making his biscuits. But the statistics of, like, a man killing his wife or his partner or even just, like, somebody they've dated is insane. And then, like, the fan. The full family. Annihilators that kill their entire family, including the children. Like, it's a wild time. So, like, why a woman wouldn't be a feminist? I think it just, like, got this negative connotation because men gave it one. The patriarchy gave it a negative connotation. So then everybody was like, oh, being a feminist is bad. It's like, who's. Who started saying it was bad? Men. Oh, okay. Okay. And did you see today that they banned the pill that you can get in the mail for safe abortions? [00:02:47] Speaker B: No, I did not. [00:02:48] Speaker A: Yep. So it's come. It's banned now. They can't ship it or, like, country wide. Wow. So they can't ship it anymore. And no matter where you stand on abortion, if you're not a woman. Sit down, Sit down. So I'm like, I mean, we had [00:03:07] Speaker B: this conversation last night. Would a man feel the same way if he had to carry the baby? Yeah, obviously not, because there are plenty of men who have children and don't take care of them. Leave the women. [00:03:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Leave their kids. I mean, we've seen one live in an action with dick. So, yeah. No, it would not be held to the same if it was men that had to get pregnant, carry a baby, and deal with being the main parent. So. And yes, there are women who abandon their children, so don't come at us. But the percentage of men that abandoned their children to women that abandoned their children, men do it a lot more. So do not come at us being like, women abandon them too. Because the men that do that in our comments, who are just like, well, what about women? Okay, yeah, sure, there's. There's bad women out there. There are. But are you. Do you really want to get into, like, the statistics of it? [00:04:03] Speaker B: Right. [00:04:03] Speaker A: Like, obviously there's one that is much higher than the other, so. But yeah, it was pretty wild to see that girl. I mean, she was young. She looked like she was probably in her 20s or something, but still, like, just a weird thing to say in 2026, especially when we're literally seeing parts of, like, Handmaid's Tell, like, in real life. [00:04:23] Speaker B: Right. Like, every day I'm like, we're getting a little too close for this. [00:04:27] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. This is. This is getting scary. Because, you know, there was. I saw something posted today on Instagram that said if you think they're not coming after your birth control and you think that that's too extreme, then you haven't been paying attention. And I was like, that's 100% accurate. Like, right now, birth control is free for most people if you have insurance, and if they take that, that's going to be insane. And it. And honestly, with the way we're going, it wouldn't. I wouldn't put it past them. And I'll be pissed because I don't I don't. I'm not active with anybody. I don't even take it to not have children. I take it because I have painful periods. And I think a lot of women take it for that exact reason. So I just don't want one. Well, I don't want a kid either. [00:05:16] Speaker B: Or I'm in a period. I don't want a period. Mine takes it all away from me. [00:05:20] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:05:20] Speaker B: And I just never want it again. [00:05:22] Speaker A: That's fair. And mine's super painful. Like double over painful if I don't have contraception to be able to take. And so it's just. We live in a crazy world right now, and I don't know how to feel. And I feel like a lot of women probably feel like that. [00:05:40] Speaker B: I just made sure to keep my passport updated for anytime I need to flee. [00:05:44] Speaker A: Literally. [00:05:45] Speaker B: You ain't gonna try to catch me trying to get to Canada or Mexico, because I'm gonna take the first flight out. [00:05:50] Speaker A: Yeah. I'm not going to either one of those countries. I'm going. I'm going to Europe. Because the eu, a woman today just was. They're trying to change for all of the EU, the definition of rape, which 100% should happen. And of course, a man was arguing about it. And so this woman gets up there and she says the definition of rape should literally be if. That if you do not have consent, if there is not a yes, then it is rape. Meaning if the woman is incapacitated. Yeah, if the woman, you know, is asleep. Because that's what they were doing there in the academy. [00:06:25] Speaker B: That's what happened to me. [00:06:27] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. And I mean, it's happened to me too. Yeah. I started say. It's actually happened to me a lot too, because I feel like men are like, they wake up and they're like, I can just put it in because she's my girlfriend and I could just do what I want. I'm like, where was the consent in this? I was asleep. So she's saying, if there's not a yes, then it's not consent. And of course, a guy was up there being like, well, how do you define a woman? And I was just. Because they're trying to then push the gender thing and the gender ideology. And I'm like, those don't have anything to do with anything. Like. And she said, she was like, that's like a gender ideology thing that shouldn't even be in politics. She's like, what I'm saying is if someone identifies as a woman and then she Gets and there is not consent, then it is rape. Or anybody. [00:07:05] Speaker B: If a man. Anybody. I mean, like, if a. If a man. [00:07:09] Speaker A: Right. [00:07:09] Speaker B: Didn't consent, then it's rape. If he didn't say yes, it's rape. [00:07:12] Speaker A: Right. It's a lot harder to rape a man, but you can still do it. So it's a lot harder for a [00:07:17] Speaker B: woman to rape a man. [00:07:18] Speaker A: Correct. [00:07:18] Speaker B: A man can rape a man. [00:07:19] Speaker A: Correct. And again, not all men, but always a man. Yes, correct. Though, like, that is true. So, yeah, but that's what it is. It's either consent or no consent. Like, you either get a yes, and if there's no yes, then it's rape. And so hopefully that passes in the eu and then I'm just gonna go over there. [00:07:40] Speaker B: I really think, like, we could go ahead and just pack our bags, you know, really and truly. Like, I'm almost sure that I could probably claim citizenship back in Holland. We could. We could give it a shot. [00:07:50] Speaker A: I know, but Holland, it just smells like pot. Gross. I will. I would go to Finland, though, because Finland's run by a woman and it's one of the happiest places. So, like, the top three happiest places are all three ran by women. Imagine that. Jinx. They also have an island, I believe it is in Finland, where men aren't allowed to go. It's like a women only island. And I'm like, that. I want that. Yeah. So today we're gonna get into my past a little more. A story that I haven't told. We're gonna go all the way back. We're gonna go back to the young Lauren. So we're gonna go all the way back to high school and my first, like, real boyfriend and my first love, my high school sweetheart. I. I'll call him Jay. Yeah, we'll call him Jay. So Jay and I met because a mutual friend came to like my church and liked my friend and then wanted to do a double date. Because they were juniors and I was a freshman and my friend was a sophomore, and so they wanted to do double date. So I went on this double date and fell head over heels in love with this guy. Through the years. We ended up. So we ended up being together a total seven years as high school sweethearts. I thought I was going to marry him, obviously, but the entire relationship was toxic. Like, now is it now looking back, I'm like, oh, God. Like, it was so bad. Like, so bad. Of course, that first year, like, it's like all my firsts, right? So, like, first everything and then on our one year anniversary, because when you're a teenager, you're dumb and you're like, let's make the first time romantic. And apparently romance was on an anniversary in the back of a Mustang. Horrible, horrible idea. [00:09:46] Speaker B: It's okay. Mine wasn't. No, better, like, [00:09:50] Speaker A: gross. But so I'm big. And I was in church at this point, right? So be growing up Southern Baptist, which left a horrible, dirty taste in my mouth for the church. So I wasn't in the church for a long time, which we've talked about. They had that ceremony where you get a purity ring in front of the entire church where I was married off to God and was giving a fucking wedding band. I don't know if that. If that church still does that, but it was. Looking back, it's completely psychotic. Like, completely psychotic to marry God. [00:10:27] Speaker B: Did you have to wear a white dress? [00:10:28] Speaker A: Maybe. I honestly don't remember. But I know. I mean, we always had to wear dresses because you weren't allowed to wear jeans to church. So I was in a dress, but it was a silver wedding band and I had to wear it on my ring finger. [00:10:41] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. [00:10:42] Speaker A: South park did an episode about it, and it's still one of my favorite episodes where they make fun of the Jonas Brothers. And he goes, I wear a ring on my finger to remind me what I cannot do. Well, that ring didn't stop me or anyone else because we're teenagers and we have insane hormones, and that's just life. But in that time, and honestly, still today, in a lot of world, people, parents don't talk to their children about anything. It's just abstinence. No, like, safe sex talks, no nothing. So straight up, just abstinence, which is just not realistic and not a good thing to do. So needless to say, I lost my virginity to this man. Kid. We were kids, like, this boy. And he called me like, an hour after. And I'm on, like, Cloud 9, like, in my room, like, oh, my God. Like, I just believe I just did that. I just can't believe I just did that. And, like, now I'm gonna marry him, right? Because like God said, you have to marry who you lose your virginity to. So I'm gonna marry him. Y' all been together for a year? Yeah, we've been together a year. So obviously it's true love. And he calls me crying because gaslight much manipulation to tell me that he had been cheating on me. [00:11:59] Speaker B: Why did I have to do that? Like, at the worst times? Like, I mean, like, if you're gonna admit it. Thank you for admitting it. But, like, but why did you take [00:12:07] Speaker A: my virginity and then call and tell me because you felt some kind of guilt, so you felt the need to tell me to make yourself feel better. So of course I cried and I didn't know what to do. And he called me Sugar Bear. Horrible. I know. Oh, I know. He, that was my nickname was Sugar Bear. So everything he gave me was like, sugar Bear, Sugar Bear, Sugar Bear. And so he like, he told me this on our anniversary, which was also like a week before Valentine's Day. So then for Valentine's Day, he bought me like all this and like flowers and like a handmade card. And I was like, sugar Bear, I'm so sorry, blah, blah, I'll never hurt you again, blah, blah, blah. And we had prom coming up, you know, in a couple months and stuff. And I went to all four proms with him my freshman sophomore year. I went to, with him to his junior and senior at his school. And then he came back from college and went to my junior and senior at my school. And I went to the same college as him. Like, I mean, I, I did follow him to a degree, but also my friends were going there, so I just kind of like followed everybody because I just didn't really. I just wanted to be with people I liked. I didn't really care. Oh, I obviously didn't break up with him. That when that happened, like, I didn't know what to do and I felt guilty and everything else. [00:13:20] Speaker B: And you were also young. [00:13:22] Speaker A: Yeah, very. And so I was just like, you know, this is just the, you know, he made a mistake. He's never gonna do it again. News flash, he did it again. [00:13:34] Speaker B: Of course he did. [00:13:35] Speaker A: Multiple times. [00:13:36] Speaker B: Of course he did. [00:13:39] Speaker A: So I remember he went to Mexico with his best, one of his best friends and there was a hurricane down there. And you know, you gotta remember this is like before we had unlimited texting and calls on cell phones. It cost money, right? So, like, you could. It was free after 9. So you had to wait till 9 o'. Clock. Well, he was in Mexico. So, like, I didn't even get to talk to him. But I knew there was a hurricane down there and they had sheltered in place. And it was right before he was going to his freshman year of college. So I would have been a junior going, getting, going into my junior year of high school. And I know he cheated on me before this too, because I actually, because I am nothing if not a sleuth. I figured out who he cheated on me with, for the virginity part. And she went to a neighboring high school and she also threw shot put and discus like I did for track. I may have tried to throw my shot put at her. [00:14:42] Speaker B: Oh my God. [00:14:42] Speaker A: Because it wasn't her fault. I know, but back then, teenage Lauren didn't understand that. Teenage Lauren was like, her, like she's trying to steal my boyfriend. And like, what's funny is years later, years later, I actually met her at a mutual friend's wedding and we laughed about it. And so like, we're, we're cool now. Like there was no, you know, crazy stuff, but like, it took years for that to be. Be the case. But, you know, teenage learn. I'm sure everybody was like that, right? Like in high school, you're like, you never. Because we were always like made to put the men on pedestals and a lot of the stories we were hearing, you know, on MTV and everything else was like, girl bashing. Everything's the girl's fault. So I think that was just my like, thought process at the time. Anyway, he's in Mexico and he happens to meet someone that lives like an hour from Raleigh where we're going to go to college. And he created a MySpace. We're really gonna show how old we are. [00:15:42] Speaker B: Bringing it back. [00:15:43] Speaker A: He created a MySpace. And I didn't have one. I wasn't allowed to have one. I didn't have one, but a friend had one, so I had have MySpace. I did later, but my, my parents wouldn't let me set one up. [00:15:52] Speaker B: Good for mom. [00:15:53] Speaker A: Yeah, my parents wouldn't let me set one up, so a friend of mine let me use her email address to set my own up. So then I had a burner one basically and saw he either put her in her his top eight. Some, something happened like, and I, I figured out who she was. [00:16:10] Speaker B: He had the audacity to put her [00:16:13] Speaker A: in his top eight because I didn't have one. So he thought that I would. [00:16:16] Speaker B: Your friends wouldn't tell you? [00:16:18] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. He's. Again, he was a boy. But so I figured out who she was and I ended up messaging her and she was like, oh, honey, he's cheating on you with me. Cheated on. He's like, we slept together in Mexico. He's come here multiple times, blah, blah. And I was like, he's cheating on you too. And at that point we had been together like three years, or it would have been over three years at that point. So I was just like. [00:16:43] Speaker B: But she just didn't care. [00:16:45] Speaker A: No, she thought like, in her. Like, the way she talked to me was like, oh, honey, bless your heart. He's cheating on you. And I'm like, honey, bless your heart, he's also cheating on you. What do you mean? Anyway, so. [00:16:58] Speaker B: Oh, my gosh. [00:16:59] Speaker A: That didn't really go anywhere. She was like, well, I'm not gonna break up with him. Well, he, I think, called it off with her at some point. But when this happened, I was, like, really upset. Right. So I was just like, well, I'm gonna get him back because Toxic. [00:17:16] Speaker B: You go, girl. [00:17:17] Speaker A: Toxic. So, yeah, so I, you know, I did whatever I wanted to do because he was at college and I was, you know, in high school still, and he was obviously cheating, so I was like, whatever. But we stayed together the whole time. Like, we never broke up. It was just him being, like, almost. [00:17:33] Speaker B: Y' all were in an open relationship [00:17:34] Speaker A: without admitting we were in one because we would. He would fight. We would get in a huge fight whenever I'd find out he che. And so then I. I guess I would be like, we're done. But, like, a high school, we're done. So, like, we were. I knew we were never really done. He was also an alcoholic, which didn't help anything. Like, alcohol. And, like, a true one. Like, he had to get a box for his car because he got so many DUIs, and then he wouldn't even let me drive. He'd make me blow on the box to get the car to start. [00:17:59] Speaker B: One of the girls in high school had one. [00:18:01] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:18:03] Speaker B: So we used to have play game up the. That the parties on who sober enough to blow in the box. Yeah. [00:18:08] Speaker A: Like, it was actually really sad because he is a. Like, he is a genius. He didn't have to study for anything. He was valedictorian in high school. He was top of his class in college. Like, insanely smart, but an alcoholic. [00:18:22] Speaker B: It's so weird, though, because every alcoholic I've known has always been extremely smart. [00:18:26] Speaker A: That's weird. [00:18:27] Speaker B: It's the weirdest thing. Like, and he was one of them. [00:18:30] Speaker A: Amazing at tennis. Amazing. So, like, all through high school, he was great. He was able to walk on to NC State's tennis team. And I will never forget, like, there was a match that he was supposed to wake up for, and it was. They were going to play Duke, and I hate Duke. Like, so I was like, this is awesome. Well, he got drunk the night before and slept through his alarm and didn't go. So he got kicked off the team. And I'm just like, I wonder what untapped potential may have happened for him if he had not had the drinking problem, right? If he wouldn't. So he would also blame the drinking all the time for him cheating. I'm like, that's not an excuse. [00:19:10] Speaker B: Drink too much. [00:19:11] Speaker A: Not an excuse. So my senior year, summer of high school, friend of mine, her parents took us on a cruise and to cheated again. So I was like, I'm gonna have whatever fun I want to have on this cruise. So I end up having like a one night stand with this dude on this cruise. And Jay had the audacity to be like, pissed off because I told him. He was like, did you do anything on your cruise? I was like, yeah, like, why do you care? You cheat on me all the time. Like, what do you care? And again, manipulation. He brought over to my house, to my parents house, because obviously I was in high school, I was still living there. He brought over a huge, like, board, like poster board that said, like, happy three and a half year anniversary, sugar bear. And like all this stuff and flowers and chocolates and I 100 know the only reason he did that was because I told him that. So he was trying to make me feel even worse. And so then when I got back, I of course felt horrible and like. But now with my adult brain, I was like, manipulation. [00:20:21] Speaker B: Why have I always been mean? Because my ex did something similar to that. And I definitely put the flowers in the road and run them over in my car. [00:20:32] Speaker A: No, I was too nice again. Well, we learned this because I was too nice with Dick too. [00:20:35] Speaker B: I was always mean. I don't know. I'm way nicer now. You guys are lucky because that was mean. [00:20:41] Speaker A: I wasn't. I mean, the meanness of me was being like, well, I'm gonna go sleep with a friend. Because 90. [00:20:47] Speaker B: I did that too. [00:20:48] Speaker A: 90 of the time. Not his friends. My friends. [00:20:51] Speaker B: Oh, his friends. [00:20:52] Speaker A: No, not his friends. Uh, 90% of the time it was like I wanted to. If I was gonna get him back, I wanted to be with somebody safe and somebody who I knew I wouldn't catch feelings for because I knew that me and Jay weren't gonna be done. So I would just stick to that. Um, except for the cruise, that was the first time that it had been like a rando. And also, just don't do that. That's not smart. Don't do that. Um, learn from my dumbness as a child. Oh, also, yeah, I guess I just turned 18. So lucky for that guy because barely legal. [00:21:24] Speaker B: Barely legal, you know, he left that cruise thing and he won the lottery. [00:21:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:28] Speaker B: Just for the correction. It was friend, not friends for me. [00:21:31] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Just one single. Single. But, yeah. So I was obviously going to college with, like, him. So I was starting college that fall. So I, you know, show up at State, and of course, we're back together and everything. And he's in dorms still. Even his junior year, he was still in the dorms. And then I was in dorms because I was a freshman, so I could walk over and everything. Well, when he got drunk, he would get abusive, throw things around me, at me, hold me down, bang his head against, like, I used to, like, I would, like, block my face, and he would, like, I'd have bruises all over my elbows. And one night he got really drunk. It was his birthday of my freshman year. He got really drunk, and I'd throw him, like, this surprise party. I had his friends from our hometown come in town for and everything. And he had left his aim up because, again, we're going back, and he's really going back. He had. He had left it up, and he had been talking to this girl in one of his classes and, like, telling her how hot she was and, like, asking her on a date and stuff. And he was passed out, and I was pissed. So I woke him up, and I was screaming, and I was mad, and then he started screaming. They started getting, like, really violent. So one of his best friends. So I do end up with one of his best friends, but that's because he ended up being my best friend. He ditched him for me and, like, ended up being my best friend. [00:23:02] Speaker B: Well, that's the same situation that happened with me, too. [00:23:05] Speaker A: Oh, okay. [00:23:05] Speaker B: Just clarify. I'm just not that spiteful. But I can be very spiteful. Do not play with me. [00:23:11] Speaker A: So he was in the room next door because they were in a suite, and he, like, busted in and, like, grabbed me and, like, ran me into his room and locked the door. And I was, of course, crying. And Jay, like, almost broke down the door. Like, he was, like, violently, like, screaming and kicking the door and stuff. And that was probably the start of me and his friendship. [00:23:34] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:23:35] Speaker A: Because we got really, really close after that. Because he was, like, always my protector. [00:23:39] Speaker B: And of course, like, you shouldn't have had to have. Because he shouldn't have been an Abus. [00:23:43] Speaker A: Right, Correct. It was, like, so bad that there was a party one time where he got wasted, and he started peeing in the corner of the room, just, like, in the corner of the room. And I woke up, and I was like, that's not the toilet. And he was like, shut the up. And, like, started cussing me out. And I was like, whatever. So I went back to sleep, and that was my friend's dorm. And I was just like, the next morning, she's like, why does smell like in here? And I was like, I see Pete in the corner. Like, I don't know what you want from me. It was, again, embarrassing. He was an alcoholic and just insanely, like, abusive with everything. And I mean, like, again, I wasn't perfect by any means. I would cuss him out. I'd be, like, in his face, up one side, down the other. Obviously, like, he would cheat, and I would be like, we're done. And then I would go hang out with somebody, but then obviously still not be done with them. Like, we were both toxic. But he. I. This is where a lot of my trust in men and trust and relationship issues stemmed from. And so this was, like, constant for seven years. Seven years of this. And then when we hit our seven year anniversary, that. That year I was going for spring break. I was a junior, and so I was going to spring break. And so they were. They had graduated, but if. But the friend was gonna go with me, so he went with me. And Jay was pissed off because he was just like, why is he going with you? It's because he likes you. It's because you like him. Blah, blah, blah. Which I did at that point. Like, I did like him enough that me and him planned a trip to Europe together. And for that. For that, may. That's when I was like, yeah, I gotta be done. Like, I gotta be. I need to. I need to separate myself from Jay. Well, I met Drew, and Drew, like, swept me off my feet. And I was like. So I was like, well, this is who I'm supposed to be with, not Jay. So, like, I kind of, you know, went to Drew, and so much so that when I went to Europe with the friend and we. It was like, you know, one bedrobe, right? Like, we have one. We had booked one bed and everywhere. And then I. I would not cheat on Drew. And so I was like, no, I'm with this new guy. I'm not gonna sleep with you. And so the friend was rightfully pissed because he's like, we planned this European trip, and now you're being you and not being what I thought we were gonna be. So I really pissed him off. I ended up being with Drew for five years, so. And marrying him. That was my first marriage. So I. It is what it is with that. But Jay, in that first, like, year that Drew and I were together, like, I would say the first, like, six months that Drew and I were together, Jay would. At this point, Jay had cheated on me again during. Well, during our relationship with the woman he is now married to. [00:26:40] Speaker B: They found one to be committed to, or he. No, he's okay with him cheating. [00:26:44] Speaker A: Well, I don't. She may not know, but she probably doesn't even know about me and realized that he was with me for seven years and cheated on me with her. And during that first little bit with me with Drew and him with her, he would still text me and have me come over to his apartment. And, like, I would. I still wouldn't do anything he would want. He would try, though. He'd be like, oh, let's just, you know, make it like old times and stuff. And it was just, like. It was hard to let him go because he was seven years of my life, and I still. But I didn't. I didn't touch him. Even though he was, like, trying to. Like, he was like, we can make out. We could still sleep together. And I'm like, no, I'm withdrew now. But I was still trying to, like, struggle with letting it go. Like, am I making the right decision by letting this go? And anyway, so Jay ends up marrying that person. They're still together today and have four kids. But I know for a fact that he cheated on her on his bachelor party night because another mutual friend of ours was there, and he called and told me, so cheat on your bachelor's night. Because Jay all the time supposed to [00:27:51] Speaker B: be excited about getting married, but I don't. Why even get married? [00:27:56] Speaker A: Because men can't be alone, I think, because whenever I was out of the picture, he was like, well, let me just marry this one, because she wants to marry me, and everything will be, like, fine. It would not surprise me, because cheaters never really change to that extent. Serial cheaters like that. But what. What's hard now after dealing everything with Dick, is that I didn't see it coming because I was with something for. I was with a person for seven years who was so toxic and who had such a pivotal influence in my childhood and teenage years that it made it hard to trust anybody. And that's part of the reason why I went to therapy for the six years that I did therapy once I moved up to D.C. and then I. When I came down here and met Dick, that's what pisses me off, I think, more than anything now, being out of the situation with Dick for so long is like, how did I not see it? Like, I've been through it before. I've been with a serial cheater before, so how did I not see this different this time? It did. It looked very different this time. This time there was no alcoholism. There was no screaming and cussing. There was no hitting me. [00:29:15] Speaker B: But he also plays it really well because I had no idea you existed. [00:29:18] Speaker A: Right. And none of. And none of you showed me a [00:29:21] Speaker B: whole place that he lived at. Allegedly. [00:29:23] Speaker A: Yeah. Like, no one did. No one knew that he was married or that he had four kids. [00:29:31] Speaker B: I'm just glad that I didn't fall for him or his discussion. The handlebar joke was gross, so I couldn't get past it. [00:29:39] Speaker A: Yeah, that is gross. But, ladies, work on forgiving yourself, because that, I think, is the hardest thing. A lot of times when you're in a relationship and you're mad that, like, you didn't see it or that you stuck with it for so long. Because, like, I'm mad that I wasted seven years of my youth with Jay, all because I was tied to this religious trauma that I've also had to work through of. Oh, well, you have to marry the person that you lose your virginity to, which is an insane thing to think at that age and something insane to push on that age group. And you got to remember, this is before we had the Internet, but it wasn't like it is now. We didn't have all the social media. We didn't have all the resources that there are now. There were no podcasts. Like, none of this existed. [00:30:22] Speaker B: You know what my MySpace name was? Amber. Just the cool kid with the cool face. [00:30:27] Speaker A: Wow. [00:30:33] Speaker B: And then my aim was cool face, 71457. [00:30:38] Speaker A: That's fantastic. [00:30:40] Speaker B: Did not age well. [00:30:41] Speaker A: No. Mine was Ariel. Roxy for both. Because my girls, we called ourselves the Roxies. We all had a Roxy sticker on the back of our car, and then we all had a princess, and mine was Ariel. Oh. [00:30:51] Speaker B: And my dad set up my first, like, Yahoo and AIM account, and he made it sweetheart 71457. But if we're being honest, I was not a sweetheart, so that didn't really fit. [00:31:01] Speaker A: Well, you know, he was trying. [00:31:04] Speaker B: He was trying. Wishful thinking. Because I was mean as shit. [00:31:09] Speaker A: Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we get in these horrible relationships and then, like, stay in them or excuse the behavior or. [00:31:17] Speaker B: I remember when I broke up with number one, I like. I mean, I felt like my chest would, like, ripped from me. Like, my Heart was ripped out. And it was just because it was so toxic and so trauma bonded that I thought I couldn't live without him. And then when I finally could, I was like, I can breathe. Like, I mean, he was. He was crazy. [00:31:36] Speaker A: That's what's crazy to me is this. Jay was really hard on me. Obviously, getting away from him after seven years of trauma bonding was hard. And it took, honestly, another. Another person to get me away from him. Dick is that situation to me. Like, my. The suicidal tendencies, the. The heart being absolutely ripped out of my chest and feeling like I'm not going to make it was Dick. And I think it was almost worse with him because I didn't see it coming at all. Whereas with Jay, that first initial cheat hurt. But also I. The ones that followed, it almost became expected. [00:32:17] Speaker B: Like, you knew they were coming. [00:32:19] Speaker A: Yeah. So I was like, okay, he's just gonna cheat on me all the time, and for some reason, I'm gonna stay with him. It's fine. [00:32:24] Speaker B: But I had only caught mine cheating that one time. And remember, I had forgiven him after. [00:32:28] Speaker A: Yes. [00:32:28] Speaker B: He came crying after he raped me, and then I forgave him. [00:32:32] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. Why do we do that? [00:32:35] Speaker B: I would catch him on fire if I had the choice. Now same. [00:32:41] Speaker A: Watch him burn. I would just walk with saying, it's [00:32:44] Speaker B: getting hot in here. [00:32:46] Speaker A: Or. No, he has the one that. He has a burn song too. He does have the. Yeah, he has the Burn song too. He likes fire. [00:32:51] Speaker B: He does. [00:32:52] Speaker A: No, Hot in here is Nelly. [00:32:53] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that's what it is. You're right. I'm it up. [00:32:55] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:32:56] Speaker B: Fucking it all up. [00:32:57] Speaker A: Yeah, you should know your cats are Biggie Paw and Tupac. You should know your rapper. No, but you should know your rapper. [00:33:03] Speaker B: Look, I know the boys in the hood. I know the movie. Okay? [00:33:09] Speaker A: But yeah, so moral of that story is our, like, childhood relationships can really. Trauma, like, ties us. And, you know, I went to therapy to work through a lot of that one. Obviously then being with Dick was very confusing because I was like, did I not learn anything? So working through that again. But if you have a similar situation, just forgive yourself. And if a guy asked you to blow on the box in his car because he's gotten too many DUIs, that [00:33:36] Speaker B: should be your sign. [00:33:38] Speaker A: If the cheating didn't do it, let [00:33:40] Speaker B: it be that you had so many signs. [00:33:43] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. I mean, literally, like, I was hit. I was. He peed in a corner. Like, he just. He was an awful human. But I was obsessed. I was obsessed. And my poor friends. I Drugged them through so much with me. So sorry, girls. [00:33:54] Speaker B: Look, my. My sister keeps telling me she don't want me to ever date again because she can't go through another with me. [00:34:00] Speaker A: That's fair. [00:34:01] Speaker B: I do think it's very fair. [00:34:02] Speaker A: Yeah. That's how the girls feel, too. They. They. They'll always laugh because they'll be like, so much of their high school was, like, based around me and Jay that they're like, we. Your relationship also traumatized us. And I'm like, well, you're welcome, because two of you are happily married and in very healthy relationships. So you're welcome. I showed you what not to do. [00:34:19] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, that's what my sister says, too. She's like, you traumatized me, too. [00:34:23] Speaker A: And I'm like, you didn't have to. [00:34:24] Speaker B: You didn't have to live through it, but thanks for. Thanks for returning my wedding dress on my birthday for me while I cried. [00:34:31] Speaker A: I would have done it for you. [00:34:32] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah, I appreciate you, too. [00:34:35] Speaker A: Well, that was the story for today. Just another. Since I've only ever talked about Dick, I haven't talked about any others. I was like, let me talk about Jay and where it all first started, and also probably why Dick was so traumatizing, because it brought back all of that that I had lived through before. [00:34:51] Speaker B: It makes you question again, are you not good enough? Because here it is, another man that you love is cheating on you as [00:34:57] Speaker A: well, with it, with a ton of women again. [00:34:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:34:59] Speaker A: So it's like, what is it about that makes this happen? Like, is it. Is it a me problem? Is it. You know, what is it? And what's crazy is I'm a completely different person now than I was then because I was angry all the time with Jay. Like, I was vital. I was like, I got violent, too, because he was violent. Like, it was unhealthy. And then with Dick, I didn't have to do any of that, so, you know, it was just. But then I still got cheated on, so it's like, okay, well, I was a completely different person from, you know, 15 to 35, obviously, but why did it happen again? [00:35:34] Speaker B: Yeah. And it just makes you question everything. You ask yourself about your worth. [00:35:38] Speaker A: Like, was. [00:35:39] Speaker B: Was that girl prettier than me? But then we looked at the photos, so. [00:35:43] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, I'm not. [00:35:45] Speaker B: I'm still the dollar tree. [00:35:46] Speaker A: You are not. Shut up. You're. You're beautiful. No, but, yeah, just think that. Sadly, what I didn't realize at a young age is how many people actually cheat and how common. It truly is. So I think that. That now, after dealing with Dick and seeing how common it is, which is why I'm good. I'm good. I don't need a date. But just seeing how common it is, it's just like, ladies, if you are happily married, we're happy for you. But if your spidey senses go up, please pay attention to them. Like, we're not saying your husband's going to do anything. [00:36:23] Speaker B: We don't believe that all men cheat either. [00:36:25] Speaker A: Right. But if your spidey senses go up, there are all kinds of women out there who stories we've told who said they never would have thought that he would cheat. I mean, I never would have thought Dick would cheat. I paid for everything and I took care of that man. Why would he want to leave me? Why would he want to cheat? Men still do it. So just pay attention to all the spidey senses that go up. [00:36:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:36:43] Speaker A: So. All right, well, you guys have a great week and we'll see you next time. [00:36:49] Speaker B: See you later, guys. [00:36:50] Speaker A: This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and Rousetoday at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.