Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hey, guys. Welcome back to spill the tea unfiltered.
Well, we have more stories because there's never not stories.
[00:00:12] Speaker B: No, there's not.
[00:00:13] Speaker A: There's. There's always going to be something. So one of the things I want to talk about was it was in the news. So this woman donated her kidney.
[00:00:22] Speaker B: Oh, to who?
[00:00:23] Speaker A: To save her boyfriend's life.
[00:00:25] Speaker B: Oh, did he cheat on her?
[00:00:26] Speaker A: She sure did.
[00:00:30] Speaker B: How am I gonna give you my whole ass kidney and you gonna cheat on me?
[00:00:34] Speaker A: Yeah, like a couple months later, he cheated on her. And not only cheated on her, then he ended the relationship, blocked her and cut off all contact from her. He just took that kidney back.
[00:00:44] Speaker B: Right. Is it like an engagement ring? Like you only get to keep the engagement ring with the intent of the marriage? Like, can I get my kidney back?
[00:00:51] Speaker A: I was like, we be out here giving body parts for a man and that will still cheat on you?
[00:00:57] Speaker B: Hell no. I want to be co sign of car. We'll not co sign a car.
[00:01:00] Speaker A: I'm like, this is why we don't date. Like this right here is a perfect example of why I'm selfish.
[00:01:05] Speaker B: I'm keeping all my organs.
[00:01:07] Speaker A: Yeah. Like I was like, the hell yeah. That was crazy. And then there was another story.
[00:01:16] Speaker B: I hope his body rejects it.
[00:01:20] Speaker A: Like it karma. Is that it? That his. The kidney stops working again because the body's like, no, you don't deserve this kidney. Like that's. It was wild. So this person posted on social media and said, I'm not biting my tongue anymore. I know I should be the bigger person, but I don't care. My baby daddy has been neglecting his children. He's never home. And she takes care of everything for them. If he is home, it's maybe a couple hours at a time and.
And then they cry because all they want is their dad. And he chooses to go into work on his off days or run off with other women. Which is what Dick would do. He would tell me he was working and he wasn't.
He's currently, as I'm typing this with another woman, turned his location off and saying he didn't. And then he accidentally answered my phone call and I listened to 20 minutes of a meetup with this girl lying on my name to her about me and our relationship. In the seven years I've known him, I've never heard a true thing come out of his mouth. Watch your teenagers. Because the first time he cheated on me, it was with a 16 year old.
[00:02:22] Speaker B: Is she still with him?
[00:02:23] Speaker A: I don't know.
Then it was paying women on discord for things, which is embarrassing. And the list goes on. And if you call him out for his actions, he will start crying and put a gun to his head or yours. I hope you don't end up with crap all down your leg because he craps himself every night in his sleep. And I literally had to get a new matt last month because we ruined our last one because apparently it's more embarrassing to wear diapers than to just straight up poop in bed. I've taken care of him for all these years and saved his life. Calling ambulances for him and not anymore just for him to wreck our family.
Empty promises of changing that I kept holding on to and kept praying for him and just to find out he got another or he sent another hey girly text I'm not. Yeah, that's what's creepy. She says I'm not perfect and never claim to be and have had made my fair share of mistakes but the continuous lying and trauma he's causing people around him is. Is too much to bear. I've never been so broken. And don't forget to pack your diapers with you on your Gatlinburg trip. So whatever girl you're with, it doesn't get on them.
And she posted a photo of the diapers with poop in it. The. And they're adult diapers.
[00:03:36] Speaker B: How's she gonna potty train her kids if dad's supposed to be a role model?
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Yeah. So that was a story that was posted on socials and I was like oh f.
So I would have left
[00:03:47] Speaker B: him at the 16 year old girl diapers.
[00:03:50] Speaker A: Yeah, hang it up. Yeah. And he's not old. He's not old. So like he's either drinking so much or he's on drugs to the where he's not having like any.
Yeah, he's not cognizant or whatever it is.
[00:04:03] Speaker B: He might have to be on the. The stuff they give you for when you're going through like cirrhosis of the liver and it makes you yourself so gross.
[00:04:10] Speaker A: And then another person posted on socials
[00:04:12] Speaker B: need a reason not to try drink. That's probably it.
[00:04:14] Speaker A: You know, realistically people just post on socials and post all kinds of out there. Right? So like that like she posted his poop diaper on socials for everybody to see. So that was pretty wild.
And then another thing that was recently posted was my boyfriend are going through a rough patch and I really need advice beyond chat. Gbt. Yes honey, you do not need to chat GPT is not your therapist. So she says. Last summer I discovered he was paying for porn, specifically live cam girls.
When I checked his bank statements, I found he was spending over $1,000 per week over several months.
Oof.
Oof.
[00:04:47] Speaker B: Thousand a week.
[00:04:49] Speaker A: That's so much money on cam girls.
You know what I could do with
[00:04:53] Speaker B: a thousand a week?
[00:04:54] Speaker A: So now you're like, can I be a camp girl?
[00:04:56] Speaker B: Can I be a cam girl?
[00:04:57] Speaker A: So I'm just Jesus.
I later learned this was an issue even before we started dating. It was. It reportedly a major factor in his previous relationship ending. His ex girlfriend had an abortion, left him because she didn't feel comfortable with him around daughter. Well, I can't blame her there. Also, again, if these exes would just go and tell, like if you got receipts, come with them, come with them because then at least somebody can make a full decision.
You know, like if, like if. If Dick's exes had come to me, I never would have dated him. So I'm like, I give. Give a girl a chance to make the correct decision. If they don't and they didn't listen to you, she'll find out.
She'll find out, she says. I confronted him last July and he claimed to stop. However, recently found out he purchased a pre. He purchases prepaid Visa cards to hide it.
So yesterday I told his brother about the extent of spend of the spending because I honestly felt out of options and hoped his family could support real change. My boyfriend is extremely angry with me for doing this. I tried to help him on my own before and that clearly didn't work. I'm wondering whether seeing a psychiatrist could actually lead to change. Does anyone have any advice on how to address or stop behavior like this? He also works in healthcare and has access to examining women, which adds another layer of concern for me. I'm confused, overwhelmed, and unsure whether this is something that can truly be resolved or should I just walk away? Am I dating a pervert?
Yes.
[00:06:25] Speaker B: Did you even have to ask the last part?
[00:06:30] Speaker A: I think you should report that to the medical board and to the hospital that he works at, because that's gross. But yeah, no, he's cheating on you, looking at porn and looking at other women and lusting over other women and paying for other women, especially, like if it's one thing as a couple, if that's your kink and you guys are going to watch porn together.
Hopefully it's porn where women aren't being forced to do it.
Like the porn industry is very dark. So just be aware of that.
But if he is paying other women without your consent and without your knowledge, that is cheating.
So you should absolutely break up with him and move on.
[00:07:13] Speaker B: Because I'd be so freak.
I'd be so mad about the thousand dollars a week.
[00:07:18] Speaker A: Right.
[00:07:18] Speaker B: That'd be enough for me. Yeah, because. What do you mean? Why am I driving a Toyota if you can afford a thousand a week, where's my Mercedes or BMW or where's.
[00:07:30] Speaker A: I don't know, my vacations? I just want to go on more vacations and vacations.
[00:07:34] Speaker B: Like, why are we not going on trips instead of paying a thousand a week on this?
[00:07:38] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:07:38] Speaker B: It could be a Bali right now.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: Right.
But, yeah, so those were just some things on socials this week that I saw the news article and then people posting that stuff, and I was just like, we got men out here stealing kidneys and cheating. We got men out here shitting in their bed and cheating. And then we got men out here paying for $1,000 a week for cam girls.
[00:08:02] Speaker B: Wild behaviors.
[00:08:04] Speaker A: Wild.
And so now we'll get into our story, our actual story, which I'm going to guess probably has cheating in it.
[00:08:14] Speaker B: Somebody's probably cheating.
[00:08:15] Speaker A: Somebody somewhere is doing some.
All right. It says, I had a friendship that taught me something. I wish I learned a much easier way. Sometimes you don't truly know someone's character until they trust you enough to show it to you. Which is true. This was someone I had known since high school. We weren't the type of friends who talked every single day for those years.
We would get close, life would happen, we'd lose touch. And eventually we found our way back to each other because we'd known each other for so long. So there was a level of trust there.
She wasn't some random person I'd met six months earlier. So there was history. Last year, she called me because she was scared. She told me she had been sleeping with one of.
One of her employees.
[00:08:53] Speaker B: Employees?
[00:08:54] Speaker A: That's what it says.
Because she was in a position of authority over him, the relationship filed the company's policy, and she was terrified she was going to lose her job. His wife had discovered the affair. Gross.
So you're not a girl's girl because you're sleeping with a married man. And knowingly so. And we don't approve that kind of trash over here.
We're going to call out women's toxic behaviors, too. And that is toxic behavior. Shame on you for that. She says his wife discovered the affair. And my friend was worried about the situation making it back to her employer. I hope it did.
I hope it did. I hope she lost her job for being a hoe. That's what you give for being a hoe. You lose your job.
I don't care what a man tells you. I'm leaving my wife. I'm doing this, I'm doing that. No. No, you're not.
No, he's not.
[00:09:41] Speaker B: Why are you even sleeping with an employee?
[00:09:43] Speaker A: Well, that, too, like, boundaries. Like, definitely don't. But that's where a lot of people meet people. You meet them at work and then, you know, the. What does it say? Don't. Where you eat.
[00:09:52] Speaker B: You know, not where I eat.
[00:09:53] Speaker A: Yeah, you're like, bad choices, but bad choices all around because you knew he was married. And, like, what good did you think that was gonna do?
[00:09:59] Speaker B: Right?
[00:09:59] Speaker A: The friend said. At first I listened like a friend. She had confided in me, and I knew she was panicking, but the more she told me, the more uncomfortable I became. I found out his wife wasn't just his wife. She was pregnant.
[00:10:10] Speaker B: So he was cheating on her while she was pregnant.
[00:10:12] Speaker A: Yeah. And the other woman knew that she was pregnant and still sleeping with the husband. That's even fudgeing worse. I know, like, as a woman, a fucking asshole.
[00:10:21] Speaker B: But, like, as a woman to know.
[00:10:23] Speaker A: Yeah. As a woman, you know that his pregnant wife is at home and you're still sleeping with him.
[00:10:26] Speaker B: Like, that's fucked up.
What the.
[00:10:28] Speaker A: Yeah. She said there was a pregnant woman somewhere trying to process the fact that her husband had been sleeping with another woman. And instead of my friend showing remorse for the part she played in that pain most, her concern seemed to be about whether she was going to lose
[00:10:41] Speaker B: her job because she's selfish. Obviously she was selfish when she was being a pick me girl.
[00:10:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:10:47] Speaker B: And she's just being selfish again, we
[00:10:49] Speaker A: do not approve of pick me girls. That's some nastiness. Gross.
Um, she says. And then it got worse.
I don't know how much worse it can get.
[00:10:58] Speaker B: Right. Like, what else?
[00:11:00] Speaker A: She started telling me about the wife's reactions and laughing about them.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: What?
[00:11:05] Speaker A: At one point, the wife learned that her husband and my friend had slept together on the couch in their home and she wanted the couch thrown away. And my friend thought that was hilarious. She laughed about it like this woman was being dramatic.
I remember thinking, of course she wants the couch gone, because.
Yes, gross. I immediately got rid of my couch and my mattress because I didn't know if dick brought somebody on to them. And I'm sure. Shit. Not gonna have that in my. My new area, My new juju. Absolutely not. So imagine being pregnant, finding out your husband cheated on you, and then realizing that something you're. That's sitting in the middle of your home is connected to the betrayal you're desperately trying to process. Maybe throwing the couch away wouldn't fix anything, but grief isn't always rational.
Sometimes you just want one physical reminder of what happened out of your sight.
What bothered me wasn't simply that my friend had made a terrible decision. People do make terrible decisions. It was the lack of empathy afterward. She was laughing because the situation itself was funny to her. She was laughing at another woman's pain. And then she told me something else. This wasn't the first married man she'd been involved with. She casually told me about another woman who hated her because she had slept with that woman's husband too. And again, she left.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:12:18] Speaker A: She needs to go out in the trash.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: I hope that she's never happy.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: I hope that all the negative karma comes her way. Like, that's disgusting. You are a literal piece of trash woman. Like to do that to other women? Oh, yeah. No. That was the moment that something really shifted for me. One affair could be explained away as a horrible choice. A pattern of pursuing unavailable men and then finding amusement in the women who were hurt by it told me something completely different about her character. Looking back, I think attention had become incredibly important to her in high school. She was heavier and didn't receive the kind attention she wanted from the kind of attention she wanted from men. And as an adult, she became very focused on working out, changing her body, and lost a significant amount of weight and suddenly started receiving attention.
And sometimes I wonder if that validation became addictive. But understanding where someone's behavior might come from doesn't excuse it. Absolutely.
[00:13:06] Speaker B: It doesn't.
[00:13:07] Speaker A: It doesn't. And I don't care. Like, I have fluctuated weight my entire life. My entire life. And never whenever I've lost weight. Most of the time when I lose weight, it makes me not even want to pay attention to men. Because I'm one of those people who are like, if you wouldn't pay attention to me at my heaviest, why would I want you at my best?
[00:13:24] Speaker B: Right?
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Like, I'm not. I'm not here for that. She said, plenty of people grow up feeling overlooked and insecure and don't intentionally participate in hurting other people.
Whatever was underneath her behavior was hers to work through.
Um, what I didn't realize at the time was that I was learning something important about the person sitting in front of me. When someone repeatedly shows you that another person's pain doesn't bother them as long as they're getting what they want, you should pay attention because eventually you might become the person whose feelings don't matter a hundred percent. Yeah. And it sounds like she unfriended her, like, did away with her and was like, you know, I would have to get out my life.
Yeah, same. Because I would.
[00:14:08] Speaker B: I've ended friends, friendships with people who have cheated on their husbands.
[00:14:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:14:13] Speaker B: Because. No, that's not.
[00:14:14] Speaker A: And you know, the thing is, is like, I know people who cheated on their husbands or cheated on their significant others, especially at a young age, like high school, early 20s and everything. Because you're not. Your frontal lobe's not fully developed. Like, you make stupid choices. But when you're a grown ass adult and then you're constantly doing this and you're constantly going after married men like that to me just says that you're an awful human. Like, you are a awful human being. You do not deserve any goodness coming in your life. Like, I'm sorry, but you just don't. Like, that's so gross. And to laugh at a woman who is pregnant.
[00:14:48] Speaker B: Right.
[00:14:49] Speaker A: For wanting a couch. Gone. Now I would love to talk to that wife and be like, honey, maybe leave. But again, we.
[00:14:58] Speaker B: I mean, but if she was still
[00:14:59] Speaker A: pregnant, like, I know it makes it hard. You do, you feel trapped and it makes it hard. And I have friends who have been cheated on, who stayed with their significant others. I have friends who stayed and then their significant other cheated again. Because a lot of times it's a recurring situation, not always. I have friends who, so far as that we know of, it has not happened.
And sometimes there is just a mistake because not everybody is going to reoffend, but the vast majority of the time they do because it's just deep in. And who they are. Like, I 100% believe to the depth of my soul that it does not matter who Dick is with.
He will cheat for the rest of his life.
[00:15:38] Speaker B: Probably.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: Like, he. If you're going to cheat on the woman who took care of you and paid all your bills and like fixed you medically and bought you motorcycles and took you on amazing vacations, you'd never been out of the country, and she took you out the country and took care of your kids and everything else, you're gonna cheat on that person. You're gonna cheat on somebody the rest of your life. Like, that's just how it is. And I think a lot of men that do that. Get whatever their reasoning is. I think a lot of them either need the validation or want extra validation or they get excitement from it.
Whatever the case is, there's no excuse for it, but I just think that it's going to be a reoccurring thing. So I don't know.
This was a woman that sent something in about an old friend of hers who did this.
So we don't know if that wife ended up staying or not. And what ended up being the case with that. But.
And shame on him. He's disgusting, too, right?
[00:16:34] Speaker B: Because how do you know you. You're having a child with somebody, like, you did that, like, own up to your responsibility. Why are you cheating on them?
[00:16:42] Speaker A: And my other thing is, with the pick me girl, he was. If you guys have been sleeping together, she. He's obviously still been sleeping with his wife because she's pregnant, right? So if he's sitting there because, you know, a lot of times he'll be like, well, he hasn't slept with his. They haven't had sex and whatever. And, yeah, and all the lies and that they spill to get what they want.
And there's some women out there that are dumb enough to believe it.
And I'm like, but obviously they were still sleeping together. She was pregnant, you know, And I
[00:17:09] Speaker B: wonder that all the time. Like, these girls who are pick me girls who know, like, do you not think that he goes home and still sleeps with his wife? Right. Yeah, he probably does.
[00:17:19] Speaker A: 100.
Like, 100.
[00:17:21] Speaker B: He's getting both of y' all that.
[00:17:23] Speaker A: And also, a lot of times, like, the men will be like, oh, you know, we don't. We don't talk. We don't say I love you. And that's a blatant lie, too. They'd be saying I love you right to your face and then be walking out that door to go have an affair. Dick would go out that door, have an affair, come back and give me a kiss and tell me how much he loved me. So, like, women, like, men be doing this all the time, and pick me girls play into it, and that's gross.
So they don't care. Here on the podcast, we do not approve of pick me girls. And I think that's one of the reasons why, like I've said before, like, it drives me nuts when men won't just leave because there's usually there is a girl out there somewhere that is a pick me.
They could find a pick me.
[00:18:07] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, absolutely. There's always a pick me.
[00:18:10] Speaker A: So, you know, but I Think that that's not as big of a challenge a lot of times either.
[00:18:15] Speaker B: No. For them, those girls are, like, throwing themselves at them, which makes me really sad.
[00:18:19] Speaker A: And I think that's a deeper thing we need to talk about at some point, too. Maybe with Suzanne. Is that why women have this? Is it the patriarchy? Is it because we've been told this our whole lives, that we have no value without a man? Like women. Why some women, they have to have a man, right? And they feel no validation unless they're with one. Or they're so lonely that they're just constantly like, I'm so lonely. I need a man. And it's like, ooh, why give me one good thing that has come out of those relationships? Because I guarantee you, most of them have been in an abusive relationship or he's cheated or nothing good has come out of it, because otherwise you would still be in a healthy, loving relationship. So then what about it is making you continue to want one?
[00:18:59] Speaker B: The attention.
[00:19:00] Speaker A: And then I'm like, learn to love yourself. That to me, says, you don't love yourself.
Probably not like that. These girls have, like, confident issues and everything else. Like, the amount of times you and I both have gone out on our own and like, eight or gone to a movie by ourselves or, like, traveled. Like, when I was in Glacier national park, the amount of people that were shocked that a woman was traveling by herself, I'm like, what year is it? Why are we acting like this is some big miracle that I'm out here hiking by myself? Like, I wanted to go, so I went, right? You have all the power to do stuff. And when people are like, I'll be so bored and blah, blah, I'm like, I.
Maybe I just like myself too much.
[00:19:38] Speaker B: I don't know, right?
[00:19:41] Speaker A: I'm like, I'm fine.
[00:19:42] Speaker B: I'll sit there and eat by myself at a restaurant. You best believe my book. I might. I might scroll up a video on my phone. Yeah.
[00:19:50] Speaker A: I might watch. I might watch the True Crime document.
[00:19:52] Speaker B: Those are, like, my favorite days. Like, when I just go shopping by myself, I go take myself out to dinner. Like, I love those days. Days.
[00:19:59] Speaker A: Yeah, I do, too. And I.
Hey, Addie.
[00:20:03] Speaker B: Hi, Addie.
[00:20:05] Speaker A: Everybody say hello.
Yeah, I think for me, those are also days that I love. Like, I'll. I was sitting there eating pop Tarts, because I always hike with Pop Tarts. So I'm sitting there eating a pop Tart, like, watching the scenery down at this lake. I just did a five mile hike, and I was just like sitting there loving life.
Like, I was just thinking about how beautiful it was and how amazing God is to like put this in our world and everything else. Like, I just, I'm like, I. I think some people just don't know how to sit and smell all the flowers and like enjoy them and everything else, you know, And I think that's something that a lot of women should work on and strive to work on and something that will 100 help you with that is therapy.
So a lot of the women I know that can go off and be on their own, it's because they've been in therapy and they learned how to talk to themselves and how to appreciate themselves and love themselves.
[00:20:57] Speaker B: So.
[00:20:57] Speaker A: Oh, Addie's getting all the lovings from her aunt Amber.
She's a sweet girl, shedding like crazy.
But yeah. So that's our story and I think the moral of it is don't be a pick me.
[00:21:09] Speaker B: Seriously, it's gross.
[00:21:11] Speaker A: So that's our stories for today.
Don't be with a man who poops the bed. Don't be with a pick me.
[00:21:18] Speaker B: Or a man who sleeps with a 16 year old girl.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: Or a man. 16 year old girl.
[00:21:22] Speaker B: I wouldn't have to wait for the poop.
[00:21:24] Speaker A: Yep, that too.
And also don't give your kidney away.
Learn that lesson if you're married for 20 years.
[00:21:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:33] Speaker A: Keep your kidney. I'll give it to a friend.
I'm more have to give it to Amber than I am anybody else she's
[00:21:39] Speaker B: gonna have to give it to. Yeah.
[00:21:41] Speaker A: So 10 years from now, you can have my kidney.
[00:21:43] Speaker B: I appreciate you for that. You're welcome.
[00:21:46] Speaker A: But yeah. So that's the morals of today's story. So you guys, we will talk to you next week.
[00:21:51] Speaker B: Bye, guys.
[00:21:52] Speaker A: This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
