Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Welcome back to Billety Unfiltered.
[00:00:02] Speaker B: Hey, guys.
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Hey, everybody. So we're going to start off with a hilarious story. You want to kick it off, Amber?
[00:00:11] Speaker B: So the other day, I was just scrolling.
I think I actually went to the bathroom when I was scrolling. Because that's what we do as girls, right?
[00:00:18] Speaker A: Yeah, well, I think every guy and guys do, too.
[00:00:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Just whatever.
And guess who I found out. Found on the. Are we dating the same guy? Paige.
[00:00:29] Speaker A: Who?
[00:00:30] Speaker B: My ex. Number three.
[00:00:32] Speaker A: And if for those of you who don't remember, this is the one who she was engaged to and supposed to get married and turned her wedding dress in on her birthday. Well, her sister did it for her on her birthday two weeks before the wedding.
[00:00:42] Speaker B: Two weeks before the wedding. I called it off.
[00:00:44] Speaker A: Yeah, I was cackling whenever you sent it and went up in there. And one anonymously posted that he went on a date with a friend of hers who was a guy.
[00:01:00] Speaker B: So my suspicions were accurate.
[00:01:03] Speaker A: Yeah, and that wasn't the only one. There were several people posting that he was gay. And. And again, there's nothing wrong with being gay, but if you're gay, you should be engaged to a woman.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Just be honest about it.
[00:01:14] Speaker A: Right?
[00:01:15] Speaker B: You want to be with a man, be with a man.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: Right.
[00:01:18] Speaker B: But, I mean, this definitely matches up to the stuff I found on the phone. So
[00:01:24] Speaker A: there it is.
[00:01:25] Speaker B: I guess it wasn't his cousin sending those texts, I tried to say. Which. I mean, like, why would your cousin send that? Right? Because you just hand your phone over for your cousin to send texts.
[00:01:35] Speaker A: Weird.
Weird.
Probably not. Probably not. He also was funny because he said that he told whoever posted him that he wanted to be their sugar daddy,
[00:01:45] Speaker B: which is a joke because, bro, don't.
Your credit score is under 500. What do you mean? Pay your credit card bills.
Get it together, dude.
[00:01:54] Speaker A: He's having trouble getting women, so he's telling them that he'll be sugar daddy, but he's not gonna be.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: Makes me sad for him.
[00:02:00] Speaker A: I was cackling because I was just like, man, he really.
He's. He's hurting. If that's what he's telling people.
[00:02:09] Speaker B: Well, he likes to be flashy. He want. He wants to feel special. He wants people to think, like, he's, like, some top.
[00:02:16] Speaker A: He might be the top, but it's.
[00:02:19] Speaker B: I mean, like, he used to wear a pinky ring and, like, a gold pinky.
[00:02:23] Speaker A: I've told you the pinky ring. I've told you this.
[00:02:25] Speaker B: Well, now I know. But also. So it was funny because, like, people Were commenting. They're like, he looks like a narcissist. He looks like this.
[00:02:30] Speaker A: He looked.
[00:02:31] Speaker B: And I'm like, where were you guys three years ago?
I needed to hear that then. Yeah, where were you guys?
[00:02:37] Speaker A: Yeah, let me.
[00:02:38] Speaker B: Out here and hanging.
[00:02:39] Speaker A: And it just shows that, like, years can go by, and then all of a sudden, they still get posted, and you're like, oh, there they are. There it is.
[00:02:45] Speaker B: They do still exist. Like, I mean, at freaked me out because I was scrolling on my, like, front page of my Facebook. So, like, his picture popped up, and I'm like, what the.
[00:02:53] Speaker A: Okay, PTSD about.
[00:02:56] Speaker B: Drop my phone.
[00:02:57] Speaker A: I'm like, ptsd.
[00:02:59] Speaker B: Like, why is he on? I was like. I had to, like, scroll back. I'm like, we're not Facebook friends, are we? And I was like, oh, it's a group.
[00:03:04] Speaker A: Oh. Oh, yeah. That's crazy.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: Let's talk about this one.
[00:03:09] Speaker A: Yeah. So that was a fun surprise for her.
And then I went and saw this horror movie this week. And I'm not gonna lie, during the movie, I wanted to kill the female main character. Like, she was driving me nuts. But then my friend Jess, who went to the movie with me, was like, oh, but did you see all of this after, like, all this research that people were posting? And I was like, oh, no. So apparently, like, the underlying is, like, that it was all. It was ended up being the man's fault. Right. Because the man wished that she would be obsessed with him.
[00:03:48] Speaker B: Oh.
[00:03:49] Speaker A: And it had a. It was, of course, like a magical wish thing. And so then she became literally obsessed. Obsessed with him and ruined her life and his own. But that's his fault. So it's like, oh, once again. Men ruining women's lives because he liked her. But when she. She didn't like him, she was like, no, you're not. You're not for me. And he. God forbid, he takes no for an answer. So he uses this, like, Satan wish, basically.
[00:04:14] Speaker B: And I would never want anybody to be obsessed with me, maybe to think I'm attractive, maybe interested in me.
[00:04:20] Speaker A: Because she got so, like, a lot of murder happens because she is obsessed with him.
[00:04:25] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:26] Speaker A: So, like, anybody who stands in her way, you know, and whether it's a friend or another girl or anybody is anybody that's in the way, you know? So, yeah, it was a pretty crazy movie. I was annoyed a lot because she was very loud. And that's how I know I'm getting old, because she was screaming obnoxiously. And I don't. I feel like the theater had these sound up so high that I was like, I felt like I was at a concert and I needed earplugs. Oh also, sidebar. Someone brought a newborn baby to a movie that is a horror film and was at 7:30pm at night.
[00:05:03] Speaker B: So the baby cried the whole time? Yep.
[00:05:05] Speaker A: That, that was scarier to me than the movie. The horror film was the crying baby. So first of all, your baby should be in bed. One, two. If your baby's crying, get up and take it outside. 3. I know the baby doesn't technically fall under like age restrictions, but it is 21 and up for a horror film. Right? Or 18. Is it 18, 21? I don't know.
It's adult.
It is adult. So why you thought let me bring this infant child who's gonna cry because of the loud noises Because I told
[00:05:37] Speaker B: you it was 7:30 so it's tired.
[00:05:39] Speaker A: It was loud.
Yeah. I was super annoyed the whole time. Super annoyed.
[00:05:45] Speaker B: So I guess mommy just really wanted to see the movie.
[00:05:49] Speaker A: I don't care how bad you want to see it, wait till it's out for streaming. Like I'm sorry but that or go to an 11am when the other moms are there during the week while the rest of us are at work. Like you don't need to go to 7:30pm that's wild behavior to take a newborn in. So that may be a hot take for some of you, but my opinion, don't bring your newborn baby to a movie at 7:30 at night, especially a horror film, and ruin it for everybody. So there's that.
[00:06:14] Speaker B: So we got a we have a story from a follower that she submitted in. She says I'm from Ohio and met a guy who's was from Oklahoma. We got together and our relationship seemed great. Moved in together and my teens who lost their dad sl my husband 5 years ago, even started calling him dad. A one of my kids even said he does more with us and for us in the short time he has known us than our dad did in the 12 years I had with him.
[00:06:46] Speaker A: O oh, that's heartbreaking. And I feel like there's a lot of kids in that position unfortunately. And that's really sad but I love it when a step parent or a another person can step in and like actually fill that role in a positive way. Which it sounds like it started as, but I'm guessing it doesn't end that way.
[00:07:06] Speaker B: So perfect relationship and everything was going great. Fast forward to 16 months in he tells me he's moving back to Oklahoma because He missed his family and friends. He moves back, but lies and moves in with a girl the same day he leaves my house.
What?
[00:07:24] Speaker A: Absolutely not. Like, what? So he was probably cheating the entire time.
[00:07:28] Speaker B: Like, there's no way he was at least emotionally cheating. He was talking to somebody else. You don't know. You don't just like, choose a girl the same day.
[00:07:34] Speaker A: But how dare you involve her children and treat her children that way and make her children fall in love with you and let them call you dad and let them call you dad. And then like, it's bad enough that you did it to her, but then when you bring the kids into it, it's like 10 times worse.
[00:07:47] Speaker B: Yeah. About 30 days later, she catches him still talking to me and sends inappropriate messages. I come to Oklahoma to get his dog and secure him in a hotel room until he can move in with his parents.
I was traveling weekly to visit him and decided me and the kids were moving there so we could all be together. We find a place, I pay the deposit, book him a flight to come help us move and a U haul just for him to.
To tell me one week before moving day that we should just be friends.
[00:08:22] Speaker A: I'm sorry, you can't just be friends. Yeah, like you're not going to just be friends after that. Like, you were together for 16 months and then he cheated on you and then you forgave. You forgave him and were willing to move to his state to be with him and then he a week before you move. Like, no, I just want to be friends.
No.
[00:08:41] Speaker B: Okay, but so she still moved them 13 hours away and he steady called text and has been sleeping with me through though he has a girlfriend. I know it's wrong on my part too, but I've fallen for this narcissistic bull crap and I don't know what to do to get out of this cycle.
[00:09:02] Speaker A: Okay, so we need to talk about that. Yeah, let's talk about that. Okay, so yes, you. So he has a girlfriend now. And I guess if. If you guys are officially broken up, but you still continue to sleep with them. So one, I want you to want better for yourself.
You deserve better. You should want better for yourself. You shouldn't be somebody's second choice.
Two, you know what it feels like to be cheated on because he cheated on you with her and now you're repaying the favor. I don't really feel bad for her because she knew about you and she was still cheating. So it's not like I feel bad for her, but cheating's just never the answer.
It's not going to help you. It's not going to make him come back around to you because then he's currently getting his cake and eating it too.
So he thinks that it's okay.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. I think that it's important for you to take some time away from him to break that bond that you have. Because it's probably really like where you feel like you're getting butterflies is your
[00:10:09] Speaker A: anxiety and we call them devil flies. They're not butterflies.
[00:10:13] Speaker B: You're still attracted to him because of the push, pull he gives you a little bit and you want more. It's like an addiction. It comes from the same side of the brain.
[00:10:23] Speaker A: Yeah, he's breadcrumbing you.
[00:10:24] Speaker B: Yeah, he's breadcrumbing you.
You have to break the cycle by stopping all communication. And it's going to be hard. It's not going to be easy. But the easiest way to do that is to distract yourselves with other things.
[00:10:36] Speaker A: Right. And I.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: Hobbies are great.
[00:10:38] Speaker A: Hobbies are fantastic. Like, I love book clubs. Book clubs are great.
Church, if that's your thing.
Joining small groups, a gym, you can meet people in all those places. And I think sur finding other women that are your type of women is important.
I. That's what I did afterwards. I found a great community and it's just continued to. To grow and expand as I've met people in different areas of my life and I love it.
Therapy.
[00:11:09] Speaker B: Therapy, definitely you can hyper fixate on something that you like. Like if you like collecting teacups, hyper fixate on that. Spend every weekend looking for teacups that
[00:11:20] Speaker A: you like to antique stores.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: Yeah.
Find something that you're really passionate about and pour your whole self into that until you no longer feel the need to pour into him.
[00:11:29] Speaker A: Crafting.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: You have to like, you have to break that bond. If you don't break it, you won't leave.
[00:11:34] Speaker A: Yeah. You're tra. You're trauma bonded.
[00:11:36] Speaker B: Yeah, that's exactly what it is. And he love bombed you at the beginning, which is why you and your kids both loved him. Y' all thought he was great, that he was perfect.
And now he breadcrumbed you and now you're keeping that bondage.
[00:11:52] Speaker A: Yeah. And keeping that cycle going. And it sounds like he more than likely was cheating on you from day one 100.
So that is a shitty reality, but a true one.
Definitely think you should go to therapy. That should be one of your hobbies. I still go weekly. I love my therapist so highly recommend that Also move back to Ohio.
Get out of Oklahoma.
[00:12:17] Speaker B: Yeah. And then, like, I mean, really, like, sit down and don't just think about it, but write it down.
What is he giving you and what do you actually want?
Because I promise you, they're not going to match. The future that you're picturing with him is not the future you're ever going to have with him. You're never going to have that with him. You have to move forward.
But if you sit down, you actually think about it and you write it down, you're going to see that and you're going to realize.
And I think it'll really open your eyes up to, like, okay, like, this is actually what the future I thought I was going to have with him. I thought that he was going to be this good dad. He had all this potential. But what you're looking at is potential, not reality.
[00:12:58] Speaker A: Yeah. And I think that's something we, as women do a lot is we date the potential of the man. We don't date the actual man. And you fell in love with a version of him that isn't. That doesn't exist. It was a facade that he put on for you.
And that is, for me, was one of the hardest things to move on past for Dick was that he did the same thing. I thought I found the most perfect man in the world be. And so I was grieving, loving somebody who never really existed.
And I think that that's the situation you're in as well, is, unfortunately, the man that you fell in love with was real. It wasn't real. It was fake. And when the mass slipped for him, it was, you know, it was too late. And you giving in to him isn't gonna do you any favors in the long run. And it is really hard to get away. But you try to think of your kids too, though, because that's gonna hurt them in the long run. Like, they don't need somebody coming in and out of their lives.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: But also, like, the health aspect of that, too. Like, if he's cheating on you, he's cheating on her. He might be cheating again with somebody else. And then what if he brings something back to you?
[00:14:06] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. He could bring you an std.
He could get somebody else pregnant, and then that's a whole mess. He could get you pregnant, and then you're pregnant by somebody who is not going to be a good father and who's going to come and go when they want because they don't actually want any actual responsibility.
I just really hope that you're able to actually get away from him, because that's just not a good situation for any woman to be in.
And also, I think that there's this, like, stigma going on with women. You know, we're trying to change it now, but a lot of women feel like they have to be with a man, because that's what we've been told our whole lives. Like, you have to be with a man. You're a failure if you're not.
You'll never be loved. You'll be alone. But that's not true. And if you truly learn to love yourself, first, find peace in your home.
Find hobbies and friends and things that you love to do. You don't miss dating? Let me tell you, I don't miss it at all. In fact, when I get to go home to my peaceful, quiet home with my Just my cats, it's glorious. It's so nice because, like, I go out all the time with friends, and, like, we go out and do stuff, go to concerts, movies, whatever. And then when you do get home, you're like, oh, this is nice, because I have a break from it all, from constantly being around people.
So I think learning to love yourself is probably the number one thing which to do that, you're gonna have to do that in therapy.
[00:15:32] Speaker B: And, like, you. You need to take that time out for yourself where you're not dating and you're just learning to take yourself out on dates. I can't talk enough about this. Learn to love yourself. Take yourself out on dates. Don't go with anybody else. Go to dinner by yourself, a nice dinner.
[00:15:47] Speaker A: I go to nice dinners.
[00:15:48] Speaker B: Take a nice dinner out.
Treat yourself. Take yourself for a pedicure or whatever you love, whatever it is that you enjoy doing. If you want to go see that movie, go. Go see that movie. Who cares if nobody goes with you?
[00:15:59] Speaker A: You're not supposed to talk to your movies anyway. I love going to movies by myself.
[00:16:02] Speaker B: I love doing anything by myself. When I was in Hawaii, I was ready to travel that whole island all by myself. I left my ex at the hotel.
[00:16:08] Speaker A: I travel alone all the time, and I love it. Like, it's. It's very freeing when you learn how to be alone, like, and be happy and comfortable with yourself, because then no matter where you are, you're comfortable.
[00:16:21] Speaker B: And I mean, like, don't worry. Like, I know a lot of times we have, like, the anxiety. We worry about, like, what if somebody else is looking at me? They're gonna think I'm weird. Who cares? Are you ever gonna See that person again? No, probably not that. If you do, are you gonna remember you've seen them? Probably not.
[00:16:34] Speaker A: Right. That, and also, most people are actually looking at you are jealous of the fact that you're able to do it. Because the amount of people I've had come up to me that have said things like, I wish I could do what you do. I wish I could. Was strong enough to be by myself. I wish I was strong enough to get out of that abusive relationship. I wish I was strong enough to leave my cheating husband.
You can all. Everyone can. You just have to put in the effort and the work. And I'm telling you right now, that starts with therapy and loving yourself.
[00:17:02] Speaker B: And every day that you continue this with him is another day wasted. Yep. It's another day that you could have spent it enjoying your life, enjoying your kids, taking yourself out, finding yourself and loving yourself. So the more. The longer you're with him, the more you're doing this.
[00:17:19] Speaker A: You're just holding yourself back and you're harming yourself because your anxiety, probably depression, everything else is going to sneak in because you're constantly begging for something that's never going to be yours fully.
[00:17:29] Speaker B: Absolutely.
Yeah. Because, I mean, he's already showing you that he can't commit to you. If he wanted to, he would.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:17:35] Speaker B: If he wanted to be with you, he would.
[00:17:37] Speaker A: Yep. And.
[00:17:38] Speaker B: And that's what you need to remember, all the potential that you have for him. No, because if he wanted to, he would have. He would be with you. He wouldn't be entertaining her. But that's not what he wants. He wants his cake and to eat it too. And I wouldn't let.
[00:17:52] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:17:52] Speaker B: No, yeah, absolutely. You deserve better than that.
[00:17:56] Speaker A: You do. You do. And I hope that you learn that you do as well. But thank you for, you know, sending that in and kind of like asking, you know, even a question after it. I think that that's another option for people. Like, if you just are like, where do I go from here? Like, what is your opinion? You know, send them in. We also have a therapist that comes on with us, so we can always get her involved in it, too. So if you are out there and would like to send your story in, but you want an actual therapist to look at it, let us know and we'll get Suzanne to actually look at it and come on and talk about it with us. We do have two new shirts that we're wearing for you guys so you can see them. Amber, what does your say?
[00:18:31] Speaker B: It says dating. No, thanks. I'd rather hang out with my cats.
[00:18:35] Speaker A: Yep. And we have one for dogs for, for the dog people out there. And mine says I date but I don't want to cheat on my fictional husband. And it's a girl reading books with a cat next to her because I again, love books.
So big, big bookie, big bookish girl over here. But yeah, so check out our merch. We'll have it linked. Also go follow us on YouTube. We would greatly appreciate it. Hit that subscribe button for us.
And then if you're listening on audio, whether it's Spotify or Amazon or Apple music, please go also subscribe for us and, you know, leave us some five star reviews. We have had a dick more than likely went in there and and left a one star review to try to mess it up. So come on, ladies. Back the ladies up. Let's get each other. Let's, let's get each other have each other's backs. So.
[00:19:27] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:19:29] Speaker A: But. All right, well, we will see you guys next week. Bye, guys. Bye. This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you, a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and ross today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone.
