No More Richards

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. Welcome back to Spill the Tea HSV. [00:00:16] Speaker B: With Lauren and Bri. This episode is proudly brought to you by the law firm Ryan and Rouse. If you or a loved one have been injured or need legal help for changing family circumstances, contact the personal injury and family law attorneys at Ryan and rouse today at 256-801-1000 or visit them online at www.alabamalaw.com. when your future is on the line, don't go at it alone. [00:00:46] Speaker C: This episode is also brought to you by Bridge & Bloom, LLC. Bridge & Bloom Therapy Services is changing the way Madison county thinks about mental health. Co owners Kate and Ashley bring over 20 years of combined experience and a shared belief that healing happens through safety, compassion and connection. Their practice provides evidence based care for a wide range of needs, including trauma treatment with EMDR and brain spotting, support for children navigating high conflict situations, and counseling for couples working through challenges or learning to co parent. Each client receives care tailored to their story in a space where they can feel heard, supported, and empowered. To learn more, visit bridgeandbloomllc.com or call 256-469-1877. Again, that's bridgeandbloomllc.Com or call. [00:01:36] Speaker B: 256-469-18 77. [00:01:41] Speaker A: Hey, Bri. [00:01:42] Speaker B: Hey, Lauren. How was your week in the. [00:01:44] Speaker A: Dating world? It was interesting. So let me tell you about this guy who liked me on Facebook. You know, I've been on Facebook dating for, you know, a little while, trying to get back out in the. And this guy says he's in his 40s, you know, so my automatic thought is guys in their 40s, maybe, you know, they've been around the block, they know what they want. And this guy, his bio, I found it very interesting that he's mainly just here to look. He's not trying to date, but he asks if anyone wants to come sit on. [00:02:14] Speaker B: His face. I can't. I can't. Show me his. Show me his picture. Lord, Lord, people picture stuck that tongue away out. I mean, he has a very long tongue, but that face isn't doing him. [00:02:28] Speaker A: Any favors. I think he needs. [00:02:29] Speaker B: An antibiotic. Yeah, it looks like it's infected. He definitely needs a. [00:02:34] Speaker A: Tongue scraper. Yeah. So, yeah, that. That's how my weekend dating is going. [00:02:39] Speaker B: How's yours? You know, it was. I got asked if I would wear a butt plug. [00:02:45] Speaker A: In public. Oh. [00:02:47] Speaker B: My God. Yeah. No. Hey, can I take you out on a date? Yeah, just. Hey, would you be interested in wearing a butt plug in public for me? Like, sir Can a lady. [00:02:58] Speaker A: Get a meal at least wine and. [00:03:01] Speaker B: Dine you first right before you. I mean, I guess it's good to know right off the bat, but, like, is this. This is. These are. [00:03:08] Speaker A: Our options? Yeah, these are. These are the fish in. [00:03:11] Speaker B: The sea. I don't want to. [00:03:14] Speaker A: Be here. No, it's. [00:03:15] Speaker B: Slim Pickens. So awful. Like, why is it like this? It's horrible. Well, so that's our fun stories for this week. So should we get. [00:03:24] Speaker A: Into it? We should. So, Lauren, tell me. [00:03:26] Speaker B: About Dick. Oh, Dick. So Dick and I met in 2021, and it was after I had moved to Huntsville and I had been single for six years. Chose to be single, worked on myself, and I was like, I'm gonna get into the dating world. Met Dick pretty quick, and Dick love bombed the hell out. [00:03:51] Speaker A: Of me. They're good. [00:03:52] Speaker B: At that. They are good at that. Except for, you know, I didn't realize what was happening. Yeah, you know, of course, I'm the only one. I'm the best thing he's ever met. Blah, blah, blah. We got engaged after. [00:04:04] Speaker A: Four months. So what made you think that. [00:04:08] Speaker B: Was okay? Yeah. Probably should have been a red flag right there, but for me, I thought, you know, we're in our mid-30s. Maybe we just know what. [00:04:17] Speaker A: We. [00:04:17] Speaker B: Want. Right. You know, after. After being single so long and, like, being in therapy just working on myself, I was like, I'm ready to be in the dating world. And it was. I wrong. My therapist was so disappointed at all the red flags. [00:04:30] Speaker A: I missed. We all have. [00:04:31] Speaker B: Our moments. We. We really do. But I. I also paid for everything in the beginning because he had two child supports at the time, and he promised he would work harder, you know, get a better job. And to be fair, to his credit, he did do the chores around the house. Like, he would help clean, he would cook, which I don't like to cook. So that was a big thing for me. I'm an acts of service kind of gal. So, you know, I was like. I excused the fact that I had to pay a lot because he just didn't make good money. He's a blue collar guy, okay? Nothing wrong with that. As long as you're bringing. [00:05:06] Speaker A: Something to the table, as long as. [00:05:07] Speaker B: You'Re stable. And he was. He was bringing something to the table for. [00:05:11] Speaker A: A. [00:05:11] Speaker B: While. Right. Flash forward a year, and it's 2022, and he was. He was out of town for work for, like, seven weeks. Oh, wow. And it was just down in the ham, just down the road. But he would come home on. [00:05:31] Speaker A: The. [00:05:31] Speaker B: Weekends. Right. So I didn't go stay with him because I was just like. [00:05:35] Speaker A: Yeah, I get to see him. [00:05:36] Speaker B: On weekend. Yeah, see, I'll see you when you get home. When he came home, we were kind of fighting a good bit and I was like, what is going on? Like, something. This isn't us. This wasn't how we normally were. I bought him a motorcycle. I co signed for this man to get a motorcycle because that's his happy place. That's what. [00:05:52] Speaker A: He wanted. [00:05:52] Speaker B: Oh, wow. And looking back now, I think I just bought him that to try to get him to like, appease him because I was like, why are. [00:06:02] Speaker A: We. [00:06:02] Speaker B: Fighting? Right. I wanted to make. [00:06:05] Speaker A: Him happy. You thought it would make the relationship. [00:06:07] Speaker B: Better maybe. Yeah, it would give him his release. You get to go ride, you get to release some stress. However, he started using that motorcycle and staying out really late, like 11, 12 o' clock at night. And he didn't think there was a problem. [00:06:22] Speaker A: With that. Did he ever check in. [00:06:24] Speaker B: With you? Rarely. Rarely. But also, what are you doing out that late? Like, why? What? Like, it's dark. So you're not enjoying the. [00:06:32] Speaker A: Views? Well. And. [00:06:33] Speaker B: You'Re married. Well, at that time, we were still just dating. We were engaged though. But we were engaged. So still you're engaged to somebody. Why are you staying out at all hours of. [00:06:41] Speaker C: The. [00:06:42] Speaker B: Night? Right. So that led to more fighting because he didn't see it as disrespectful. I did. We got into a pretty big fight. I told him to get out of my house. So he left. He packed up all his stuff. I mean, I walked around the house with him, packed everything up with him. And I was like, I love you, but I will not be disrespected. Right. So get your and get out. That's right. Absolutely. Well, I'm sad. Like, I love this man, so, you know, I'm sad. Three days later, in the middle of the night, he comes back. I hear somebody trying to get into my bedroom. It wakes. [00:07:15] Speaker A: Me up. [00:07:16] Speaker B: That's scary. Yeah. Yeah. And what's sad is my first response instead of grabbing any kind of protection. Right. Was to go open the door because I was so out. [00:07:26] Speaker A: Of it. Oh. [00:07:27] Speaker B: My. [00:07:28] Speaker A: God. Yeah. You're the person in this. [00:07:29] Speaker B: Horror movie. 100%. I would have. [00:07:31] Speaker A: Been killed. Oh, God. I'm glad. [00:07:34] Speaker B: You'Re safe. Thank you. It was hard. So I opened the door and he falls into my arms and it's bawling his eyes out. I've never seen this. [00:07:42] Speaker A: Man cry. I love when. [00:07:43] Speaker B: They cry. Yeah, Yeah, I do now. Right. Well. And now I'm just like, oh, my God. Like, was that all a show? Like, that's what's crazy is, like, how some of the things you see now that are like, probably red flags. Were those tears even real? Right? Or was he just. [00:08:00] Speaker A: Doing. [00:08:01] Speaker B: It? Yeah. Anyway, so he's crying. He ends up writing an apology letter to. [00:08:07] Speaker A: My parents. [00:08:09] Speaker B: That's ballsy. On his own, I didn't even have him do it. He wrote apology letter to my parents, apologizing for how he hurt me. And we were supposed to be getting married a month later in the Dominican Republic. And I was like, I can't marry you knowing what just happened, so we're gonna push the wedding. I was like, I'm still going to the. To the Dominican Republic because I can't get my money back. And he said he still wanted to go. So everybody that was going, like my friends and my parents, we all went to the doctor together. And he dealt with people, like, talking to him the whole time. Someone I consider my brother, my best friend. We're all, like, grilling him about what. [00:08:53] Speaker A: He. [00:08:53] Speaker B: Did. Right? And he was like, I'll never do this again. I'll never hurt her again. You know, really? He tricked everybody. My parents believed him. My friends believed him. We all thought that he really had changed. And he did. Like, we didn't have hardly any issues. We weren't fighting anymore. I thought everything. [00:09:14] Speaker A: Was. [00:09:14] Speaker B: Fine. Right. Fast forward again to 2023. At this point, we've been together for two and a half years. When we got married in September. [00:09:26] Speaker C: Of. [00:09:27] Speaker B: 23. Okay. And family and friends came, we eloped. It was nothing huge, but that's what we wanted. His family came from out of town. We had a great time. I thought everything was fine. Went on a honeymoon. Everything. [00:09:39] Speaker A: Seemed. [00:09:40] Speaker B: Fine. Right. In the meantime, he was trying to get a new job. And he finally was living up to the that promise from several years ago. Well, I helped him study for tests so that he would pass what he needed to pass. I redid his entire resume. I. I have practiced interview stuff with him to get him to get this good job. Right. And to his credit, he. [00:10:02] Speaker A: Got it. Because you helped build him up to get to. [00:10:05] Speaker B: That point. Yes. Yeah. Which he admits later on, after his training, he started his new job in. In the beginning of 2024, he goes to training again. Gone during the week, coming home. [00:10:22] Speaker A: On. [00:10:22] Speaker B: Weekends. Right. Spent a ton of money getting him all his equipment. And he thanked me for being there, for not fighting with him, complaining about Other people at the training, he was at how their spouses were yelling at them all the time and they were fighting. And he's telling me how lucky he is that he has me and that I'm understanding because I had been through a training of my own before. Right. So I understand how stressful it can be. Yeah. Well, his graduation went to it, and my parents drove down. His own family didn't go. Like, no one from his family went. My parents and me went down there, and I. Grief. Yeah. And I pinned him and everything. And again, still thought everything. [00:11:03] Speaker A: Was. [00:11:04] Speaker B: Okay. Right. But then over the summer, weird things. [00:11:09] Speaker A: Started happening. [00:11:10] Speaker B: Like what? Like random debit cards showed up at our house. Like a cash app. [00:11:17] Speaker A: Debit card. Oh. [00:11:19] Speaker B: That'S. [00:11:19] Speaker A: Shady. Mm. Anything. Mm. [00:11:22] Speaker B: That'S shady. And then another bank, when I looked it up, it wasn't. It was one of those, like, online banks. They don't have a real in right place. Right. And I worked from home. I got the mail. [00:11:34] Speaker A: Every. [00:11:34] Speaker B: Day. Right. And I was like, what are these? And I confronted him, and he blatantly lied to my face and told me he didn't know, he didn't sign up for him. And I'm like, well, you don't just get debit cards in the. [00:11:44] Speaker A: Mail, so that's called. [00:11:45] Speaker B: Identity theft. Well, and that's what I started saying. I was like, so do we need to be worried that your stuff's. [00:11:49] Speaker A: Been. [00:11:49] Speaker B: Stolen? Yeah. Like, what's going on? He's like, oh, no. I don't know. Just. Just cut them up. I don't. [00:11:55] Speaker A: Need. [00:11:55] Speaker B: Them. Mm. And I even, like, talked to my therapist about all this, like, as this stuff was going on, and she was like, yeah, this is. [00:12:05] Speaker A: Red flags. [00:12:06] Speaker B: Yeah, absolutely. He also. His location sharing. So we had location sharing because I travel a lot for work and just in general, and so I wanted him to be able to. [00:12:15] Speaker A: Find. [00:12:15] Speaker B: Me. Right. And he rides, so. So I wanted to be able to find him. God forbid he gets in a. [00:12:21] Speaker A: Wreck. Exactly. That way, you know where he's. [00:12:23] Speaker B: At, right? Well, I was out of the country in April, and I saw that he was at a place that he shouldn't have been at or just a place I didn't know. And I asked him where it was, and he used the same excuse he always used, and it was that his friend wanted him to go get either bike parts, car parts. That was always his thing. Like, when he would go to some weird thing, it would be like, my friend wants to. Wants me to go here with him to get these parts. I Never had a reason to question it. So I was. [00:12:52] Speaker A: Like, okay. That's kind of. [00:12:54] Speaker B: The normal. Yeah. I mean, his friend does weird. I call it backwards. [00:12:58] Speaker A: Alabama. Yeah. There's a lot of us that are known. [00:13:03] Speaker B: For that. Yeah. There's some weird stuff going on down here. So, like, he'll like cars, flip them, like, I don't know, there's some weird stuff. [00:13:11] Speaker A: Going. [00:13:11] Speaker B: On. But. But all of a sudden, the location stopped working. Sharing. [00:13:15] Speaker A: Stopped working. [00:13:16] Speaker B: Red flag. And he tried to fix it. He tried. Yes, he did. But magically it just never fixed. And I'm like, this is weird. So that was another one. And then he started doing longer motorcycle rides again. Wanted to stay out, got mad at me because I would ask him to be home by 10 o'. Clock. Because I was right. Yes. Because I want to go to bed and I couldn't sleep if he was out riding because I'm worried about him. Yeah. And also it's. It's a work night. I would like to go. [00:13:45] Speaker A: To. [00:13:45] Speaker B: Bed. Yeah. And I want to go to bed with. [00:13:47] Speaker A: My. [00:13:48] Speaker B: Husband. Absolutely. But that's another thing that he started doing. He started being like, I'm not ready for bed. And so then I would go to bed and like read, thinking he would come to bed and then he wouldn't come to bed. Or he would come to bed like once a week with me and it. And then he would complain if I was. [00:14:05] Speaker A: Still reading. He was making excuses. Trying to turn it around on. [00:14:09] Speaker B: You 100%. 100%. So then, October 2024, we had our one year wedding anniversary in September. And I had paid for him to get his tattoo covered. I had paid for him to get lasik, so over $5,000. [00:14:33] Speaker A: Right. [00:14:33] Speaker B: There. Right. Taken him out to a nice dinner for our. [00:14:36] Speaker A: Anniversary. You. You took him out. [00:14:38] Speaker B: To another. [00:14:38] Speaker A: Of course. [00:14:39] Speaker B: Oh, God. At that time, because of the motorcycle and because of his good job, he was supposed to be giving me his full check to pay bills and everything. So I was like, it's fine. Putting everything on my credit cards and everything because he is giving me all. [00:14:54] Speaker A: His. [00:14:54] Speaker B: Money. Right. But he wasn't because he had those debit cards and he was hiding money. Because turns out, as we know now, there were a lot of women he was taking out, had to pay for. [00:15:07] Speaker A: Him somehow. Steaks. [00:15:08] Speaker B: Aren'T cheap. They aren't. They aren't. Ironically, that's what I bought him for. [00:15:12] Speaker A: Our anniversary. No. [00:15:13] Speaker B: Imagine that. Imagine three weeks after our anniversary. The whole three weeks after anniversary, he was just being weird. And I was like, I Was crying. I was begging him to talk to me. I was starting to get a lot of anxiety and depression because I knew something. [00:15:25] Speaker A: Was. [00:15:25] Speaker B: Wrong. Right. And he kept telling me nothing was wrong. He just kept gaslighting me and telling me that's all in my head. You are crazy. You're making something out of nothing. Right. The typical. [00:15:37] Speaker A: Master. [00:15:37] Speaker B: Manipulator. Yeah. So he just kept doing that. And I was like, am I crazy? Like, is this me? Because that's what they do. They make you. [00:15:45] Speaker A: Feel crazy. They. [00:15:46] Speaker B: Do, right? He told me one day, I said, do you just not love me anymore? Like, what is going on? And he was like, no, I don't. And I was like, oh, my God. What? And then you weren't expecting that answer. Yeah, no, absolutely not. Because, like, I love this man unconditionally. Right. I mean, he was broke, and I loved him, obviously, but he just. He dropped that on me. And his first thing he did when he left the house was to go get his cell phone off my cell. [00:16:19] Speaker A: Phone plan. I can only. [00:16:20] Speaker B: Imagine why. Yeah. So I was like, huh, that's interesting. Like, I'm pissed, I'm sad. I'm pissed. Like, I'm. [00:16:28] Speaker A: Messed. [00:16:29] Speaker B: Up. Yeah. And I'm like, your first reaction is to go take your cell phone off. Right. Interesting. Dick. Dick. That's right. I just don't. I immediately was like, he's been cheating. Yeah. Silly me at one point thought, because we had a healthy. Like, I had a healthy sex life, like, I wanted to have sex with my husband. I was never that woman that had a headache. I was never the woman that had a stomachache. That was never me. And a lot of people are like, oh, well, if he cheated on you, then you weren't giving him something. Nah, I paid for everything, and I was giving him that whenever I wanted it more than. [00:17:09] Speaker A: He did. Yeah. And that's. Usually. It's the other way around. Like, it's. [00:17:13] Speaker B: The. [00:17:13] Speaker A: Opposite. Right. Where the men want it more than. [00:17:15] Speaker B: The. [00:17:15] Speaker A: Women. Right. Yeah. That's definitely Huge. [00:17:18] Speaker B: Red flag. Yeah. So I was just like, what's happening? I had to go the next week. So that was on a Tuesday. The next week, I was out of town for work, and I flew back early because I saw that he used our joint bank account to buy. [00:17:34] Speaker A: Movie tickets. Oh, this is gonna. [00:17:36] Speaker B: Get good. So knowing how much movie tickets are and I could see where he bought them for, I figured out what movie he was going to. So I flew back early, and I showed up and I waited, and I recorded him walking in with. [00:17:54] Speaker A: Another blonde. Oh, my God. Did you know who. [00:17:58] Speaker B: She was? No, I had no idea who she was. And I recorded the whole thing because I knew that he had been cheating, and I knew I'd probably need something for court. Right. So I recorded them going into the theater together, going up the stairs, standing in line. She had her arm in his arm, her head on his shoulder. They. [00:18:15] Speaker A: Were laughing. Clearly. [00:18:17] Speaker B: A date. Scarily, she looked a lot. [00:18:19] Speaker A: Like me. That's. [00:18:20] Speaker B: Even weirder. I know. So clearly a date, right? Yeah, I bought a ticket for the. [00:18:25] Speaker A: Same movie. [00:18:27] Speaker B: Good job. Because of course I did. Because it wasn't hard. I know him. I know this man. So I know what movie he was going to. Yeah. So I was sitting there debating, going into the theater because I was like, do I sit next to them and be like, hey, I'm. [00:18:43] Speaker A: His. [00:18:43] Speaker B: Wife? Yeah. Because, mind you, he may have told me he didn't love me anymore, which, of course, later he said was a lie. And he was just telling. [00:18:49] Speaker C: Me. [00:18:49] Speaker B: That. Yeah. I was like, do I just sit next to her and be like, hey. [00:18:52] Speaker A: Wife here. Yeah, how. [00:18:54] Speaker B: Are you? How are you? Do you know about me? How long has this been going on? Because homegirl was in a hoodie and no makeup. And after some sleuthing and figuring out who she was, she wears makeup. So that obviously was not a first. [00:19:09] Speaker A: Date. Right? That's like the. [00:19:10] Speaker B: Comfort. [00:19:10] Speaker A: Stage. Correct. You've seen somebody several times and you're comfortable being. [00:19:14] Speaker B: Around them. Absolutely. Yeah. That's not material. No. So this is not a first date. He comes out to go to the bathroom, and he sees me, and I'm just like, oh, boy, this is about to get good. And he comes up to me. He's like, what are you doing? I was like, oh, I'm. I'm here to see a movie. What are you doing? Oh, I'm seeing a movie. I was like, oh, who you with? He's like, oh, I'm by myself. And I busted. Yeah, I busted out laughing. I was like, really, Dick? You're by yourself? Like, what was that little blonde thing on. [00:19:43] Speaker A: Your. [00:19:43] Speaker B: Arm? Yeah. And so then he goes, oh, so you're stalking me? I'm like, no, I'm not. [00:19:47] Speaker A: Stalking you. Stalking. You're. [00:19:49] Speaker B: His wife. Correct. And that's what I think he never understood, is that I was his wife. He just didn't understand that in his mind. Saying, I don't love you anymore, that doesn't end. [00:20:00] Speaker A: A marriage. No, that. That's a breakup. That's not, like, the ending of. [00:20:04] Speaker B: A. [00:20:04] Speaker A: Marriage. Right. It's not a divorce. He. [00:20:06] Speaker B: Just works. He. I think he kept thinking, like, oh, we're just dating. We're not just dating. He gets mad. And surprisingly, he actually told me her real first name because I assumed he would lie about that too. Right. He did lie to me about what car he drove that day, though. So I did drive around and find that I. I have a job where it's my job to. [00:20:25] Speaker A: Find. [00:20:25] Speaker B: People. Right. And so I found people. You know, that's. [00:20:31] Speaker A: My job. You did a. [00:20:32] Speaker B: Good job. I did a good job. I did what I was trained. [00:20:34] Speaker A: To do. She get a bonus? [00:20:36] Speaker B: I should. I hired a private investigator to run her tag so that I could get her information and found out who she was and her social media. [00:20:45] Speaker A: Was public. Oh. [00:20:47] Speaker B: That'S smart. So I went on there and was able to start screenshotting again. We're still married. Right. Was able to screenshot stories, posts, a happy birthday with kissy faces for his birthday where and I were supposed to be on a cruise together for our anniversary and his birthday that he also let me. [00:21:05] Speaker A: Buy in. She. [00:21:07] Speaker B: Tagged him. No, she didn't tag him because I think he told her that he didn't have an Instagram, but. [00:21:13] Speaker A: He does. So did she, like, share pictures of them? Oh. [00:21:16] Speaker B: My God. She took photos of them together. And she. She would put it on their stories or she would. And she had an actual post on her actual grid for his birthday that said happy Birthday with a kissy face and, like, the smile, the emoji with all the hearts around. [00:21:29] Speaker A: It. Yeah. They've been together for a. [00:21:30] Speaker B: Hot minute. Oh, yeah. Because no woman, after. [00:21:33] Speaker A: Three. [00:21:33] Speaker B: Weeks. No. Is gonna. [00:21:36] Speaker A: Do that. Not unless she's just as toxic as. [00:21:39] Speaker B: He is. Right. And I don't think she is, because she didn't know. [00:21:42] Speaker A: About. [00:21:42] Speaker B: Me. Right. She had no idea he was married. So I found all this out, and I was like, hey, we can go to court, and I can call her and. [00:21:51] Speaker A: Subpoena. [00:21:52] Speaker B: Her. Right. It's illegal to have an affair in the state of Alabama. He agreed to settle, and so we settled. We officially filed in December. It takes a month. So by early January, we'll be. [00:22:04] Speaker C: Officially. [00:22:05] Speaker B: Divorced. Right. He tried to come back, as they. [00:22:07] Speaker A: Always do. They always. [00:22:08] Speaker B: Do. Yep. He would be mean at first, and we'd be arguing, but then it would be like, you know, I messed up. I love you. I'm so sorry. You know, all the things. He used his daughter to try to get to me, too, because I loved her, and we were pretty close, and she called Me crying, saying how much you miss me and everything. And so we all went to lunch together and then he asked me if I want to hang out again. And we ended up like going to like a movie. And one day, January 2nd of this year, he had asked me to hang out. We went to a movie and then he asked me after the movie, said, I don't have water right now, Can I come to the house and do laundry and shower? And I mean, at this point, like, I still love this man. Right. He had an affair and I'm struggling because part of it's like, did I. [00:22:59] Speaker A: Do. [00:22:59] Speaker B: Something? Yeah. You know, love him, but you hate him. Yeah. Because I mean, it's just like, was it me that. Did I push him away? Which ladies, it's. [00:23:06] Speaker A: Never. [00:23:06] Speaker B: You. No. Any man who is willing to have an affair or cheat does not have the morals that he needs. [00:23:16] Speaker A: To have or self. [00:23:17] Speaker B: Control whatsoever. And you can't blame yourselves. And. And it's something I'm constantly still talking about in therapy. Right. Because that's where your mind goes. Yeah. Like, what did. [00:23:27] Speaker A: I. [00:23:28] Speaker B: Do? Yeah. So needless say, he comes over, takes shower, does his laundry, we're hanging out, talking like normal, like everything's okay. Like we can easily do because we were. [00:23:39] Speaker A: Best. [00:23:39] Speaker B: Friends. Yeah. And afterwards, you know, we hug goodbye, said I love yous. Because we still did. Right. And well, I still did. He, of course, still said it, but obviously it wasn't true. And this whole time I was saying to him, if we're gonna be friends or like whatever this is, you can't. [00:23:59] Speaker C: Be. [00:23:59] Speaker B: Dating. Right. Like, you can't be on apps, you can't be dating. Like, I wasn't, because I was still healing and hurt. Yeah. So all this caused me to get back in church. I had taken a 19. [00:24:10] Speaker A: Year break. [00:24:11] Speaker B: Oh, wow. Yeah. That's a story for another time. But I had taken a 19 year break and I was so angry and sad that I was like, I need more. Right. So I had gotten back in church and a dear friend of the family, my mom's best friend, she gave me a devotional for Christmas and I started it January 1st. So January 2nd, after he left, he had sent me a. [00:24:35] Speaker A: Love song. Oh, they're good at that. They are so good. [00:24:39] Speaker B: At that. Ironically, it was a song from a band that the woman I caught him cheating on me with were a hoodie of all. [00:24:49] Speaker A: The time. Why did they're. [00:24:52] Speaker B: So stupid. Yep. Which I told him. I was like, I cried. The song made me cry. I told him I, I like this song. But I know that's one of her favorite bands, right? Because that's one of the things they bonded over was their love of. [00:25:03] Speaker A: Metal music. [00:25:04] Speaker B: Oh, God. They went to a metal concert together. Of course, he says he broke up with her, but hopefully we'll get that story. [00:25:11] Speaker A: One day. Did he ever say how long they were. [00:25:13] Speaker B: Together for? Oh, he said he didn't meet her until after he told me he didn't love me anymore. It is a lie, because he confirmed that. Later I got confirmation that he's actually known her. [00:25:24] Speaker A: Since 2022. Oh. [00:25:26] Speaker B: My God. Because the old job that he used to have, he would service at her company where she works. So he actually met her two. [00:25:34] Speaker A: Years ago. Just one lie on top of. [00:25:36] Speaker B: The other. Yes. Like, it all just keeps building, right? So back to the devotional I write in it that night. God, please show me something so that I can get over this man. Because I love this man. And I just feel like I'm never going to be. [00:25:51] Speaker C: Over. [00:25:51] Speaker B: Him. Right? And three days later, God said, hold. [00:25:55] Speaker A: My beer. Yeah, he's good at. [00:25:58] Speaker B: Doing that. Or my. [00:25:59] Speaker A: Wine. Whichever. He's really good at. [00:26:01] Speaker B: Doing that. He is. So January 5th, I'm out to dinner with a friend, and she says, if you're gonna get back in this dating world, you need to get on the Facebook site. Are we dating the. [00:26:15] Speaker A: Same. [00:26:15] Speaker B: Guy? Right. I'd never heard of it. I had no idea this existed. I wish I did, because as soon as I got on it and searched his name, guess who was. [00:26:25] Speaker A: On it? Dick was everywhere. [00:26:27] Speaker B: Wasn'T he? Dick was everywhere. [00:26:30] Speaker A: For years. [00:26:31] Speaker B: Oh, God. Which means he cheated on me the entire time we were together. Right? Which. We were engaged our entire relationship. And then we were. We were married for the last year, but supposed to be married for the two years, but I pushed back. [00:26:41] Speaker A: The. [00:26:41] Speaker B: Wedding. Right? But he. He was cheating the whole time. So why did he marry me? I. [00:26:46] Speaker A: Don'T know. Yeah, Everything was built on. [00:26:48] Speaker B: A lie. Everything. All of it. Because I definitely wouldn't have. [00:26:52] Speaker A: Married. [00:26:53] Speaker B: Him. Right? So I learned that I call him and I say, hey, you busy? He said, no. And I said, so do you want to talk to me about how you've been on dating sites our entire relationship? And of course, the gaslighting starts. What are you talking about? I don't know what you're. [00:27:12] Speaker A: Talking about. I don't have one. [00:27:13] Speaker B: Of those. I don't have one of those. Someone screenshotted everything and sent it. [00:27:16] Speaker A: To him. [00:27:17] Speaker B: Of course. Which? Ladies, stop. Like, stop. That site is to Protect women from going out with abusers. [00:27:24] Speaker A: And. [00:27:24] Speaker B: Cheaters. Yeah. And if I don't care if he's your friend, maybe you should tell your friend to stop being. [00:27:29] Speaker A: A dick. Yeah, but he may be a good friend, but that does not mean he's good in a relationship. And it can get very dangerous very quickly depending on what he is told from those websites or from. [00:27:41] Speaker B: Those groups. Yeah. 100% women. You got to stop doing that, because that's not okay. He, of course, told me I was trash. I was ghetto for being on that. On that site when I'm just trying to. Like. I didn't get on it for him. I got on it because I was told to get. [00:27:54] Speaker A: On. [00:27:54] Speaker B: It. Right. For the future. Because apparently there's a lot of cheaters in. [00:27:57] Speaker A: Our town. [00:27:58] Speaker B: A ton. But I searched him, naturally, and there he was. It also turns out that he was posted in November, so I'm pretty sure the girl I caught him cheating with saw that because she's also in those sites. Right. And broke up with him. Of course he's saying he broke up. [00:28:13] Speaker A: With. [00:28:14] Speaker B: Her. Yeah. But she started posting stuff about how you can't trust guys on her social media. So I think she figured it out. Yeah. It's good for her. But, yeah, I was pissed because I was just like, how dare you? These pictures were from our house. Your home? Yes. I said, you're standing in front of my door. And he said, hey, how do you know it's your door? Because. [00:28:37] Speaker A: I'm sorry. Who other. Who else's door is it. [00:28:39] Speaker B: Gonna be? I know. What, are you in another house in. [00:28:41] Speaker A: Our. [00:28:42] Speaker B: Neighborhood? Right. Like, what? What do you mean? And in the clothes I bought him, because he. Then he tried to say it was old, and I was like, sir, you're wearing clothes I. [00:28:50] Speaker A: Bought you. [00:28:50] Speaker B: Oh, God. The hat I bought you. The shirt I bought you. The glasses I bought you. Because at the time, he still had glasses. Right. So now, ladies, he doesn't have glasses in his. [00:28:57] Speaker A: Photos anymore. [00:28:58] Speaker B: So beware. Beware. He was pissed that I found out because I think he. The freeze was coming, and he needed somewhere to stay. And he knew that if you buttered me up enough, I wouldn't let him freeze outside. Right. I think he was. [00:29:10] Speaker A: Just. [00:29:11] Speaker B: Pissed. Yeah. At. [00:29:12] Speaker A: That. [00:29:12] Speaker B: Point. [00:29:13] Speaker A: Yeah. So. And they all get pissed and defensive when they know they've done something wrong, when they know they've cheated. That's when they start getting super defensive and angry at you, and they turn it back around on you because they know what they've done. Is so extremely wrong. And that's just. That's typically how. [00:29:30] Speaker B: They act. Yeah. [00:29:31] Speaker A: It's. [00:29:31] Speaker B: Insane. Yeah. The gaslighting. It's wild. There was over 130 comments on one. [00:29:36] Speaker A: Of them. Oh. [00:29:37] Speaker B: My God. Yes. Like, this man cheated on me with 20 plus women. Whether it was having emotional affairs or physical. He was having affairs. So where that should have destroyed me more, it actually just pissed me off to the point that I was like, no, this is a. [00:29:52] Speaker A: Him. [00:29:52] Speaker B: Problem. Yeah. That's what made me snap out of the. It's me. I'm the problem. To be like, no, this is a him problem. Because if he needs that much. Much validation from women, then that's a. That's a problem. [00:30:03] Speaker A: Within. [00:30:04] Speaker B: Himself. Yes. And he's a very. [00:30:06] Speaker A: Broken. [00:30:06] Speaker B: Man. Yeah. And there's no amount of anything I could have done that would. [00:30:10] Speaker A: Fix. [00:30:11] Speaker B: That. Absolutely. But fast forward another month. So we're in February now, and we're officially divorced, and I find out that he actually had a. [00:30:22] Speaker A: Third kid. My God. That you knew. [00:30:24] Speaker B: Nothing about. I knew nothing about. I knew about two. Now, granted, he, to this day is still saying that kid's not his, but according to his family, it is his. And he was actually paying child support for this kid. But then he says that he got a DNA test and it wasn't his. How am I gonna. [00:30:38] Speaker A: Believe that? Yeah, where's the. [00:30:39] Speaker B: Proof, right? At this point? Like, how am I gonna believe that? I also learned because I finally talked to his ex because he kept me and her apart, and he kept me from parts of his family because they didn't want them to tell me things. I finally talked to her. Turns out the car that he had when we first got together, he told me that him and her had broken up in 2019. She said no, actually, he'd gone up north to be with family to get a CDL license, and then she and their son were gonna move up there. [00:31:11] Speaker A: With him. Oh. [00:31:12] Speaker B: My God. But then he cheated on her the entire 10 months he was up there. And that woman reached out. [00:31:17] Speaker A: To her. It's a cycle. It's like a. [00:31:20] Speaker B: Circle, literally. She told me. She told me he cheated on her with his son's allergist specialist. Can't even take a kid to a doctor's appointment without having an affair with a doctor with, like, a nurse, like a PA or. [00:31:33] Speaker A: Whatever. [00:31:33] Speaker B: Yeah. Interesting. I don't know. So this is definitely a cycle. Something that's been going on. But what's crazy is she told me that that car. So he didn't actually End the relationship with her until December of 2020 was the official ending. And he met me in February 21st, too much later. She had bought him a car that fall, so the car he was driving around me that he told me was his mother's was hers. And then apparently he stopped paying payments, so she had a repo. Good for her. So. Yeah, absolutely. But at the time, he told me that it was a company car from his mom's and. Company car. Yeah, because she. They do have a company, but she didn't want to make the payments anymore. Blah, blah, blah. God. So that car. [00:32:19] Speaker A: Went. [00:32:19] Speaker B: Away. Yeah. But the fact that it was her. So he's also had other people buy a car. So, like, I ended up buying him two motorcycles. Not one, but two. I let him trade in the first one because he wanted a new motorcycle. And then in 2023, he got a brand new motorcycle, and then 2024, he wanted the next new one because it was a CVO and it was better, of course. And I'm like, no, we're already upside down in this loan. No. Yeah. And the second bike was solely in my. [00:32:43] Speaker A: Name, so. So always looking for the next. [00:32:45] Speaker B: Best thing. Always looking for the next best thing. And you're not gonna get better. Like. [00:32:48] Speaker A: I'm. [00:32:49] Speaker B: Sorry. Yeah. And it's just. Don't co. Sign for these men ever. Like, I've learned that lesson. Red flag. Learn that lesson. Not. [00:32:57] Speaker A: Co. [00:32:58] Speaker B: Signing. No. Because he did it to her. He did it to me. He's out there right now, ladies, looking for his next supply. So watch yourself. I also learned that in 2022, when he left and had that break that he went back to her, his. [00:33:15] Speaker A: Son'S mom. So this is a son that you didn't. [00:33:19] Speaker B: Know about. No, I knew about this son, but he doesn't. He never really came around. [00:33:23] Speaker A: A lot. [00:33:24] Speaker B: Okay. Got. He's not super involved. Gotcha. Which also should have been red flag. Right. So I've learned that if he sees his children as bills and. [00:33:34] Speaker A: Nothing. [00:33:34] Speaker B: Else. Yeah. It's a. [00:33:36] Speaker A: Red. [00:33:36] Speaker B: Flag. Run. Run. It's a red flag. And as someone who's childfree. [00:33:40] Speaker A: By. [00:33:40] Speaker B: Choice. Yeah. I didn't really pay attention to that in the beginning. I. [00:33:45] Speaker A: Will now. If they're not a good father, they're not going to be a. [00:33:50] Speaker B: Good spouse. Right, right. Learned that. So he had asked. [00:33:54] Speaker A: You out. He. [00:33:56] Speaker B: Sure did. He had asked you out in January. Yes. And you. [00:34:02] Speaker A: Got on. I got on. The Are we dating the same guy? Group, which, you know, is nationally known. And because it just seemed Very quick. Like, as. As far as, like, how soon it was that he had asked me to go out to lunch with him from the time that we started talking, like, it was all within the same day. So I got on the group just to make sure he hadn't been posted. And like you said, there's dick everywhere. So he was all over the page. And that's when I came across where you had commented. And at that time, I thought that y' all were still married. And so I actually reached out to Lauren and was like, hey, your husband has asked me out to lunch. You know, I found. Saw you in this group where you were commenting, and, you know, she let me know that they had. They were going through a divorce or they had gotten divorced. And so instead I took her out to lunch and. [00:34:53] Speaker B: Blocked dick. That's right. She is nothing if not a woman's woman. [00:34:58] Speaker A: Right here. I do. [00:34:59] Speaker B: My best. You know, women, we need to be supporting women instead of putting each other down. In the same token, I don't blame any of these women that he had affairs with because they didn't know I existed. Your first response is just like, oh, my God. That whatever. Like, you think. [00:35:14] Speaker A: Mean. [00:35:15] Speaker B: Things. Yeah. But the reality of it is these women were played just as much. I'm pretty sure the one that he had an affair with was in love with him. Yeah. And it's sad because she also was cheated on by his wife. Right. But then also by. [00:35:30] Speaker A: Other. [00:35:30] Speaker B: People. Yeah. Because he was seeing. [00:35:32] Speaker A: Multiple. [00:35:33] Speaker B: People. Yeah. And it's sad that all these women were used and abused. And he ghosted a lot of them. Love bombs. And then ghosts. He multiple matches with people on multiple sites. The amount of people in my DMs telling me stories about him having an affair, cheating on me. One woman was telling me about how he set up an actual date with her and then never showed up. A couple months later, matched with her again. And then she called him out on it, and he made an excuse that he lost. [00:36:04] Speaker A: His. [00:36:04] Speaker B: Phone. Typical. And she was like, no, I'm not going out with you. And then she found out about me. And in January, whenever I found the group, and she's one of the ones that reached out to me. And a week later, he matched her again. [00:36:21] Speaker A: In January. And so he had. [00:36:23] Speaker B: No recollection. No, he doesn't remember these people. Gotcha. So he doesn't remember matching with these people and talking to these people. And he was sending me screenshots. Good. [00:36:32] Speaker A: Morning, beautiful. Oh, God. They all start off with, good morning, beautiful. Good night, Beautiful, Beautiful this. [00:36:39] Speaker B: Beautiful that. Sweet dreams. Kisses constant. It's disgusting. And the thing is, like, I got an ed. Good morning wifey text every morning that I'm pretty sure he was sending like 50 people and just. [00:36:50] Speaker A: Added wifey. [00:36:51] Speaker B: How original. Or he was calling other people wifey because he called me his wife before I was. [00:36:55] Speaker A: His wife. [00:36:56] Speaker B: Red. [00:36:56] Speaker A: Flag. Yep. So looking back, are there any red flags that maybe you were blindsided by, like, that you just. Not blindsided, but that you were blind to, that you didn't realize were red flags at. [00:37:08] Speaker B: The time? 100%, the love bombing. Because again, I really thought, like, I loved that man and I loved him quick. [00:37:16] Speaker A: Very. [00:37:16] Speaker B: Quick. Yeah. I fell head over heels with him. Like, our connection was just so strong that I was like, this is it. This is what people talk about. This is the soulmate forever after that people, like. [00:37:27] Speaker A: Talk about. Yeah. So it's supposed to. [00:37:28] Speaker B: Feel right. Yeah. So I was just like, this is it. So I didn't understand that it was love bombing. Gotcha. At the time. But now learning from other people that he did the same thing to all of them. One of the most common things is that he love bombs. [00:37:43] Speaker A: Them. Right. Ty reels. [00:37:45] Speaker B: Them in. So he hold multiple women that he. [00:37:46] Speaker A: Loves. [00:37:47] Speaker B: Them. Yeah. While he was married to me or even just engaged to me. Like, why are you gonna do that? Like, why even get engaged? Why get married? Yeah. It's insane in the end. And to. To my fault. And things that I've learned. Ladies don't pay. [00:37:59] Speaker A: For. [00:37:59] Speaker B: Anything. Nothing. Because in the end, I ended up with over $150,000. [00:38:03] Speaker A: In debt. [00:38:04] Speaker B: That's. [00:38:04] Speaker A: Insane. Yep. I could not imagine having like, that kind of debt because of. [00:38:11] Speaker B: A man. Yeah. Yeah. It's. He. There were a lot of medical bills I paid for. I paid for all food, all outings, all trips, all kids, birthdays, kids. Christmas, fed the kids. You know, that weren't even yours. That. [00:38:28] Speaker A: Weren'T. [00:38:28] Speaker B: Mine. Yeah. [00:38:29] Speaker A: The. [00:38:29] Speaker B: Thanks. Yeah. For four years, which was that stupid of me. Yeah. In hindsight, 2020. Absolutely. But I know there's gonna be women out there who've done this, who can resonate with this. Like, yeah, you're. [00:38:44] Speaker A: Not. [00:38:44] Speaker B: Alone. No. I did it too. The best thing we can do is learn from it. Yeah. And try to help. [00:38:50] Speaker A: Each other. Nothing to be ashamed about. Because when you truly believe like that that's your person, you're willing to go to the ends of the earth for them. You truly are. I've been in those shoes myself. And so it's nothing to be. [00:39:02] Speaker B: Ashamed about. Right. And. And that's how it's supposed. [00:39:05] Speaker A: To. [00:39:05] Speaker B: Be. Yeah. And I've been asked, well, why didn't you catch him cheating? With your job and what you do, why didn't you catch him cheating? And it's like, because I. [00:39:12] Speaker A: Trusted. [00:39:13] Speaker B: Him. Right. Because I'm supposed to. [00:39:14] Speaker A: Trust. [00:39:14] Speaker B: Him. Yeah. I'm not supposed to have to go through his phone. I'm not supposed to. And when he tells me where he is and what he's doing, I'm supposed to believe him. He was telling me that he was working overtime. He wasn't working. He was definitely working. He was working something. Yeah. Trying his damnedest. There's a lot of shame that comes with it. When somebody has an affair, you feel like you're to blame. What could I have done different? What could I have done? Like, just constant in. [00:39:42] Speaker A: Your head. Yeah. Am I not pretty enough? Do I need to lose weight or, you know, something? Do I need to dress differently? There's all sorts of things that come into play with. [00:39:50] Speaker B: It 100%. And I. I had to get on medication because of all this for the first time in. [00:39:57] Speaker C: My. [00:39:57] Speaker B: Life. Right. And of course, there's always Shames and. And there's a lot of the. [00:40:02] Speaker A: Stigma. [00:40:03] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. The stigma of being on any kind of medication. And. [00:40:06] Speaker A: It'S. [00:40:06] Speaker B: Like. No. Like, I needed that to survive. Right. Because I don't know that I would be here today. I think that's another thing we don't talk about and that, you know, people try to hide. And I want to be honest in this podcast, and there were. There was a couple of times where I had suicidal thoughts, and it's. It's hard. It's really hard whenever you feel like it's 100% your fault. You weren't good enough. No one's ever going to love you. Why am I. [00:40:34] Speaker A: Even here? Yeah. You're like, your worth is. [00:40:36] Speaker B: Just depleted. And honestly, that's probably one of the big. If it wasn't for my parents, like, bless them, I'm blessed to have parents who love me unconditionally. And they came straight down immediately. They dropped everything, left work, and got in the car and drove to me. And if it wasn't for them constantly calling me, checking on me, my mom stayed with me for, like, two weeks. Yeah. If it wasn't for that, I. I don't know that I'd. [00:41:01] Speaker A: Be. [00:41:01] Speaker B: Here. Yeah. Um, but between them and my friends and my support system and the medication and then getting back in church. Yeah. It's been a lifesaver to do all of that. And, you know, when I met you, I was like, I had this idea for a podcast, and at church, they said it was actually about creativity that Sunday. And it was. And I was like, lord, are you speaking. [00:41:29] Speaker A: To me? [00:41:29] Speaker B: Here's Brie. Yeah, that's what it was, though. I'm not lying. Like, I. I had already had this thought and then it just kind of like came into place. And you and I got along so well and we've both been through some. [00:41:41] Speaker A: Crazy stuff. [00:41:42] Speaker B: Some shit. Yes. I think because a podcast by yourself is boring, I'd much rather sit here on the couch and talk. [00:41:47] Speaker A: To you. I talk to myself all throughout the day, but nobody wants to. [00:41:49] Speaker B: Hear that. No, no, no. But we could talk to. [00:41:52] Speaker A: Each. [00:41:52] Speaker B: Other. Exactly. So, ladies, this is to tell you that it's not your fault. No, it's not okay to cheat. It's. [00:41:59] Speaker A: Never okay. Cheating doesn't just have to be physical. It can be emotional. It can be on dating apps, establishing, like a certain bond and connection with someone that you work with, that is not. It's just. [00:42:10] Speaker B: Not normal. The. [00:42:11] Speaker A: Work wife. Yeah, like, oh, God, that is a term that I cannot. Work wife and work husband. I cannot. [00:42:17] Speaker B: Stand. [00:42:17] Speaker A: It. Yeah. It's just. It's. [00:42:19] Speaker B: Not normal. It's disgusting. And then, I mean, even, like, things like, I just don't think that if you have respect for your significant other that you should be looking at half naked people on. [00:42:28] Speaker A: Social. [00:42:29] Speaker B: Media. Nope. Following all these women. I mean, he was doing that and I call him out on it and he would be like, you're insecure. Blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, no, I just don't think this is respectful for you to look at half dressed women. [00:42:40] Speaker A: On motorcycles. Yeah, no. [00:42:42] Speaker B: Like, disgusting. Yeah. So just like learning that it's okay to have these standards for yourself and that you're not crazy and you're not too much and you're not asking for too much. By asking men to actually. [00:42:55] Speaker A: Respect you. No, for asking men to be originally like what men used to be. Like how they were, you know, they actually. [00:43:02] Speaker C: Had to. [00:43:02] Speaker A: I don't. I don't want to say, like, fight for your love, but they had to put more effort in, and they don't do that anymore. And it's because sometimes they don't. [00:43:10] Speaker B: Have. [00:43:10] Speaker A: To. Right. You know, and so having those standards and those boundaries, especially boundaries, that's a whole nother topic. It's. [00:43:18] Speaker B: Very important. Yes, absolutely. So just know that you're not alone. That is my story for the most part with Dick. There's. There's some other things that'll come out in the future. Yeah, but he's out there, ladies, so guard yourself and watch yourself. And we will see you next time for. [00:43:39] Speaker A: Brie's story. Get ready, Sam.